The City of Unlimited Choices

Today was rough. Not diabetically, not physically, in fact for no reason related to my condition at all. I had a crappy day at work. It happens, we've all been there, I'll live to see another day.

But a bad work day coupled with more wind and rain than we've had in months gave me a positively negative demeanor. And then I passed this...

Choco Bolo

The sign in the window advertised Chocolate, Cake and Coffee.

Chocolate, Cake and Coffee!

CHOCOLATE, CAKE AND COFFEE!!??

I can't have chocolate because I'm Diabetic. I can't have Cake because I'm Gluten Free. And I can't have coffee, because I gave it up for Lent!! AAAHHhGGGGHHhhH!!!

Sometimes I feel as discriminated against as a black man in rural 1950s Alabama. They're all inside there looking so happy, eating away at their eclairs and viennese tortes, sipping their mocha lattes and macchiatos and mayan sipping chocolate, oblivious to the amount of carbohydrates in each, blind to how hard their pancreases are working, to the caffeine that's running through their bodies artificially spiking their heart rate and adrenal production. Oh I envy you coffee drinking chocolate cake eating affluent kept women of the upper west side with your double decker MacLaren strollers and your dogs with cute sweaters, and your Chanel bags and your precocious little children.

I hope you feel a particularly intense burn of lactic acid when you're at your group pilates class at David Barton's gym. I hope your gyrotonics instructor dropped his shot of wheat grass on his way to work and takes it out on you. So there!

Breath,

breath,

breath...

Phew...

Sometimes, you just need a good shouting session. A time and place to vent and the freedom to do so. It's not always easy, living in the city of a thousand choices with so many restriction on you. It's not easy getting the stink eye from cocktail waiters who, while collecting used beer bottles, realize the Gluten Free bottle didn't come from their bar. But what's not easy is hard (I swear. Look it up in the dictionary if you don't believe me). And doing things that are hard make you stronger.

I'll be strong if you will.

Dailies:

11:23 -> 78 Took 2 Prandin w/cereal 110c and an orange 17c. At 2:15 had toast w/pb 15c. At 3:15 had Larabar 15c.
6:00 -> 89 Took 2 Prandin with Chipotle 110c, apple 20c, peanuts 6c and face coffee 10c.
11:20 -> 102 Took 1 Prandin with dinner: brussels sprouts 18c, salad 20c, apple 20c. Took 5 units of Lantus at about 1:00.
2:15 -> 74 pbgft (peanut butter gluten free toast) 15c. Bed

Day 66

Life is Good

"Today is a good day to die."
~ author of my favorite autobiography

I love this quote. I'm not exactly sure why. There's something so succinct and terminal, specific and honest. I'm not sure if the quote elevates the importance of death or elevates the value of a single day. One might be quick to read this quote as macabre, but let us not jump to that conclusion too quickly.

Think for a moment, what would be a good day to die? None, you may be thinking, but that's counter productive. As an exercise let's take a step back and think first what would be a bad day to die? Would you want to die young? No, that would be bad. Why? Well, because dying young assumes you die before your time, before you've experienced a lifetime worth of experiences. It assumes you have unfinished business, unresolved conflicts, unprofessed loves. What other circumstances would make a bad day to die? Rain, poverty, loneliness, weakness? Yes, because you wouldn't want your final moments to be surrounded by these lessened states.

Ah ha!!

There it is! Don't you see? That, precisely that, is the beauty of the quote! "Today is a good day to die" because today is a good day! My life has been full, the day is sunny, I am healthy and of positive disposition. So there it is, "today is a good day to die." But...

Today is also a great day to live!

I woke up to a sunny day in the 50s, played some music while I ate breakfast and then took my time getting ready for my first appointment, a trip to the acupuncturist. I felt as healthy as an ox and so asked him simply to boost me up more. He did.

Next I met Joe and Lili for some tasty delights at Baby Cakes. The cinnamon roll was good, the donut was waaaay better, and the cookie sandwich... (I'm gonna need a moment) Coconut butter, vanilla and sugar... thank you lord! I will be coming back to this place, and bringing all my friends and out-of-state relatives.

I was on the rest track tonight and despite doing 100+ pushups and about 40 pullups felt inadequately exercised so when I got home I rowed for 30 minutes. Dinner followed and so too shall bed.

#s
11:19 -> 118 Breakfast: Cereal 100c, bp&j bagel 45c, apple 15c = 160c = 4 units of insulin.
4:51 -> 122 Lunch: Chicken, mashed potatoes 43c, cooked broccoli rabe 7c, cinnamon roll 70c, donut 25c, cookie sandwich 10c = 155c = 4 units.
6:56 -> 92 A bit low to start a show, even a rest track. Had an apple 20c, then at 8:30 had a 5c protein shake.
12:23 -> 70 This is low, but I had just finished a 30 minute rowing piece. Dinner: beans 67, rice 63, salad 14c, apple 25c, red pepper & artichoke tapenade 9c, yam 30c = 208c = 5 units of Novolog (new pen) and only 5 units of Lantus (because the cardio workouts seem to be keeping me low enough).
2:47 -> 164 A bit high, but... I took a very long time eating and felt "low" in the middle. I need not to get distracted once I take insulin to avoid both mid-meal lows and post meal highs. (Although 164 really isn't that bad after a meal)

Saw a documentary film called Waste Land. It succeeded in keeping my focus off the pain of rowing and had the same tear jerking power as a good episode of Extreme Home Makeover. It's amazing what art can do.

Rowed 30 minutes and just over 7,500 meters. Didn't hurt too bad, but my back is getting pretty sore. I'm going to take it easy on my back for a few days. Maybe Thursday I'll do some yoga, or else go for a run or something.


Day 43