The newest condition I've added to my collection. They came as part of a package deal. Get one, the other three are complimentary. Even though I haven't been officially diagnosed, my endocrinologist insinuated that there was little doubt when last we spoke on the phone. My TH levels were low, my thyroid was underproducing. The only thing keeping me from an official diagnosis is another set of blood tests and a $400 in person evaluation.
I have no doubt of my condition however, I've been feeling the symptoms daily for over a week. The symptoms in some ways are worse than the symptoms I experienced with diabetes... in some ways.
For over a week now my mood has been much like the weather in Hawaii. The morning starts perfectly, another day in paradise. The sun is bright, the water warm, people are outside, life is good. Then sometime around lunch usually, sometime a bit earlier, sometime a bit later, the clouds roll in consuming the whole archipelago in torrential rainfall, the sun disappears almost completely, and even though it only lasts an hour or less, and even though you know that the sun will return again, for that period in the darkness, you wonder how you've made it this far and how in hell you can possibly make it through to the other side of the storm.
And I know it's chemical. I can almost feel that it's chemical. I have no reasons to be in daily anguish. Frustrated from time to time, sure, maybe even bored, occasionally fatigued, angry at situations or peeved by circumstances, but weak and ill and despairing to the point of wanting to cry?? Nothing in my life adds up to those emotions, and yet they return almost daily, triggered by the most inconsequential of things.
I feel like a small business owner under the repressive finger of a mob run protection racket, harassed and assaulted daily, and spending the rest of the time living in fear of the next visit, haunted by the memory of the last. My will-power and body awareness serve like a broken shield and rusted armor against the attack. I'm reminded of what I long thought was the MacMillan crest, a man with broken sword fighting off his enemies (turns out the sword was only broken on our crest).
I've chosen to write from a place of happiness to be as fair as possible to my experience. Anything I write during my afflicted hour would sound more like a Sylvia Plath poem than an original of mine. But this shouldn't last. Later this week I'll have my second blood test and a week later I'll see the doctor for the inevitable results and will likely start medication that night or the following morning.
And a glorious side affect of the medication is increased energy! (or one of the symptoms it alleviates is lethargy) Which means that once I start taking thyroid hormones orally I'll also start running several times per week.
Dailies:
12:01 -> 105 Took 2 Prandin with cereal 120c (coconut yogurt is higher in carbs than soy), apple 35c, fake coffee 5c, peanuts and pumpkin seeds 6c. At 4:30 Larabar 27c. At 6:30 another 24c.
8:07 -> 71 Took 3 Prandin at 8:40 with dinner of brussel sprouts 20c, portabello mushroom 4c, celeriac 30c, cabbage 35c, quinoa 60c, yam 50c.
12:23 -> 245 Dang it! Waiting so long to eat made me super hungry although a mere 190 carbs shouldn't really be a problem for 3 pills. I decided to take 1 unit of Novolog so that i could finish the yam 50c and have a small salad 30c without going any higher. I also took 3 units of Lantus in anticipation of a weird day tomorrow. If I'm lower than 140 when next I check I'll have another mini snack. Feels good to be full, thank you bolus insulin.
2:21 -> 218 Well... still high, but going down a little. If this keeps up I may have to relearn my carb: insulin ratio. I guess I'll go to bed sans snack and trust that 3 units of Lantus will put me in the sweet spot come tomorrow early. Why early? Oh yeah... 'cause this playah is rollin' to the Hamptons tomorrow! Hollah!!! Although this idiot will rely solely on Prandin and fasting to keep my blood sugar in a good range until Tuesday night.
Day 96
I have no doubt of my condition however, I've been feeling the symptoms daily for over a week. The symptoms in some ways are worse than the symptoms I experienced with diabetes... in some ways.
For over a week now my mood has been much like the weather in Hawaii. The morning starts perfectly, another day in paradise. The sun is bright, the water warm, people are outside, life is good. Then sometime around lunch usually, sometime a bit earlier, sometime a bit later, the clouds roll in consuming the whole archipelago in torrential rainfall, the sun disappears almost completely, and even though it only lasts an hour or less, and even though you know that the sun will return again, for that period in the darkness, you wonder how you've made it this far and how in hell you can possibly make it through to the other side of the storm.
And I know it's chemical. I can almost feel that it's chemical. I have no reasons to be in daily anguish. Frustrated from time to time, sure, maybe even bored, occasionally fatigued, angry at situations or peeved by circumstances, but weak and ill and despairing to the point of wanting to cry?? Nothing in my life adds up to those emotions, and yet they return almost daily, triggered by the most inconsequential of things.
I feel like a small business owner under the repressive finger of a mob run protection racket, harassed and assaulted daily, and spending the rest of the time living in fear of the next visit, haunted by the memory of the last. My will-power and body awareness serve like a broken shield and rusted armor against the attack. I'm reminded of what I long thought was the MacMillan crest, a man with broken sword fighting off his enemies (turns out the sword was only broken on our crest).
I've chosen to write from a place of happiness to be as fair as possible to my experience. Anything I write during my afflicted hour would sound more like a Sylvia Plath poem than an original of mine. But this shouldn't last. Later this week I'll have my second blood test and a week later I'll see the doctor for the inevitable results and will likely start medication that night or the following morning.
And a glorious side affect of the medication is increased energy! (or one of the symptoms it alleviates is lethargy) Which means that once I start taking thyroid hormones orally I'll also start running several times per week.
Dailies:
12:01 -> 105 Took 2 Prandin with cereal 120c (coconut yogurt is higher in carbs than soy), apple 35c, fake coffee 5c, peanuts and pumpkin seeds 6c. At 4:30 Larabar 27c. At 6:30 another 24c.
8:07 -> 71 Took 3 Prandin at 8:40 with dinner of brussel sprouts 20c, portabello mushroom 4c, celeriac 30c, cabbage 35c, quinoa 60c, yam 50c.
12:23 -> 245 Dang it! Waiting so long to eat made me super hungry although a mere 190 carbs shouldn't really be a problem for 3 pills. I decided to take 1 unit of Novolog so that i could finish the yam 50c and have a small salad 30c without going any higher. I also took 3 units of Lantus in anticipation of a weird day tomorrow. If I'm lower than 140 when next I check I'll have another mini snack. Feels good to be full, thank you bolus insulin.
2:21 -> 218 Well... still high, but going down a little. If this keeps up I may have to relearn my carb: insulin ratio. I guess I'll go to bed sans snack and trust that 3 units of Lantus will put me in the sweet spot come tomorrow early. Why early? Oh yeah... 'cause this playah is rollin' to the Hamptons tomorrow! Hollah!!! Although this idiot will rely solely on Prandin and fasting to keep my blood sugar in a good range until Tuesday night.
Day 96
are you fasting for the day?
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