"Today is a good day to die."
~ author of my favorite autobiography
I love this quote. I'm not exactly sure why. There's something so succinct and terminal, specific and honest. I'm not sure if the quote elevates the importance of death or elevates the value of a single day. One might be quick to read this quote as macabre, but let us not jump to that conclusion too quickly.
Think for a moment, what would be a good day to die? None, you may be thinking, but that's counter productive. As an exercise let's take a step back and think first what would be a bad day to die? Would you want to die young? No, that would be bad. Why? Well, because dying young assumes you die before your time, before you've experienced a lifetime worth of experiences. It assumes you have unfinished business, unresolved conflicts, unprofessed loves. What other circumstances would make a bad day to die? Rain, poverty, loneliness, weakness? Yes, because you wouldn't want your final moments to be surrounded by these lessened states.
Ah ha!!
There it is! Don't you see? That, precisely that, is the beauty of the quote! "Today is a good day to die" because today is a good day! My life has been full, the day is sunny, I am healthy and of positive disposition. So there it is, "today is a good day to die." But...
Today is also a great day to live!
I woke up to a sunny day in the 50s, played some music while I ate breakfast and then took my time getting ready for my first appointment, a trip to the acupuncturist. I felt as healthy as an ox and so asked him simply to boost me up more. He did.
Next I met Joe and Lili for some tasty delights at Baby Cakes. The cinnamon roll was good, the donut was waaaay better, and the cookie sandwich... (I'm gonna need a moment) Coconut butter, vanilla and sugar... thank you lord! I will be coming back to this place, and bringing all my friends and out-of-state relatives.
I was on the rest track tonight and despite doing 100+ pushups and about 40 pullups felt inadequately exercised so when I got home I rowed for 30 minutes. Dinner followed and so too shall bed.
#s
11:19 -> 118 Breakfast: Cereal 100c, bp&j bagel 45c, apple 15c = 160c = 4 units of insulin.
4:51 -> 122 Lunch: Chicken, mashed potatoes 43c, cooked broccoli rabe 7c, cinnamon roll 70c, donut 25c, cookie sandwich 10c = 155c = 4 units.
6:56 -> 92 A bit low to start a show, even a rest track. Had an apple 20c, then at 8:30 had a 5c protein shake.
12:23 -> 70 This is low, but I had just finished a 30 minute rowing piece. Dinner: beans 67, rice 63, salad 14c, apple 25c, red pepper & artichoke tapenade 9c, yam 30c = 208c = 5 units of Novolog (new pen) and only 5 units of Lantus (because the cardio workouts seem to be keeping me low enough).
2:47 -> 164 A bit high, but... I took a very long time eating and felt "low" in the middle. I need not to get distracted once I take insulin to avoid both mid-meal lows and post meal highs. (Although 164 really isn't that bad after a meal)
Saw a documentary film called Waste Land. It succeeded in keeping my focus off the pain of rowing and had the same tear jerking power as a good episode of Extreme Home Makeover. It's amazing what art can do.
Rowed 30 minutes and just over 7,500 meters. Didn't hurt too bad, but my back is getting pretty sore. I'm going to take it easy on my back for a few days. Maybe Thursday I'll do some yoga, or else go for a run or something.
Day 43
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Check Your Pie
A good friend of mine and a very talented musical theatre performer from the UK once explained her life philosophy as follows:
"You have to think of your life as a pie. And there are three pieces of this pie. One piece is your body - your physical health. This has to do with sleep, fitness, diet, habits, etc. The next slice is your career, your job, your passions, what you work for, what you create, the reason to wake up in the morning. The final slice is love - the love between a father and son, two lovers, you and your friends and you and the people you smile at in the subway.
Make sure that you keep your three slices in balance and you're set. Remember to always check your pie!"
Today was very much that sort of day.
I woke up this morning and despite being sore from my late night row the previous evening I decided to strap on my running shoes, throw on a t-shirt (yes, I know it's January) and jog the circumference of Prospect Park. My knees were frozen, my hands two flesh blocks of ice and the tip of my nose redder than Rudolph, but I forced my way around the park sprinting when I could, walking when I had to and doing my best to will myself through the 4 mile loop. It felt good to get home.
A delicious breakfast later and I went to the Russian baths for a 3 hour lounge in the sweat rooms. Hot and cold, hot and cold, I daren't check my blood sugar for fear that a combination of the temperature extremes and the two back to back workouts were wreaking havoc on them. When I had sweat out any remaining impurities form my pre-diabetic life I showered, shaved, baptized myself in lotion and faced the world anew.
The final part of the evening was spent eating at an organic and gluten-free restaurant (review to follow) with a dear old friend and one of the loveliest souls around. Catching up was as easy and nostalgic as arriving back at your house and setting your bags down after a too-long vacation.
A second dinner at home and a very peculiar though nonetheless impeccably well manicured film later and the day had come to an end. Some days feel altogether improbably perfect.
Oh, and I found $20 on the street.
Numbers:
11:35 -> 113 Awesome fasting number. Had a bite of Larabar 10c and then went for a 4 mile jog (with some walking) in the cold.
1:00 -> Breakfast: cereal 110c, pb@j bagel 45c, 6 oz steak, apple 15c = 170 = 4 units (with a few extra carbs to account for the run). Then 3 hours at the Russian bath.
7:29 -> 66 A bit low, a sign that I probably did a good ratio earlier, and the hot saunas kept me high, but actually I was a bit low. I ate my whole dinner and only injected before the dessert to give my bg a chance to raise a bit before the insulin took affect. Dinner: 6 oz filet mignon, 8 0z squash and pear soup 25c, vitamins, broccoli, chicken in lettuce wrap 8c, tiramisu 30c, brownie 12c, ice cream 12c = 88c = 2 units.
11:10 -> 91 Second dinner: Baked beans 87c, toast 28c, 9 oz steak, brussels sprouts and kale 18c, grapefruit 26c, chocolate 6c = 165c = 4 units.
1:29 -> 134 Good number: Took 6 units of Lantus.
I also finished my second book of the year today. Sex at Dawn - a provocative and dangerous account of the sexual evolution of our species.
Day 42
"You have to think of your life as a pie. And there are three pieces of this pie. One piece is your body - your physical health. This has to do with sleep, fitness, diet, habits, etc. The next slice is your career, your job, your passions, what you work for, what you create, the reason to wake up in the morning. The final slice is love - the love between a father and son, two lovers, you and your friends and you and the people you smile at in the subway.
Make sure that you keep your three slices in balance and you're set. Remember to always check your pie!"
Today was very much that sort of day.
I woke up this morning and despite being sore from my late night row the previous evening I decided to strap on my running shoes, throw on a t-shirt (yes, I know it's January) and jog the circumference of Prospect Park. My knees were frozen, my hands two flesh blocks of ice and the tip of my nose redder than Rudolph, but I forced my way around the park sprinting when I could, walking when I had to and doing my best to will myself through the 4 mile loop. It felt good to get home.
A delicious breakfast later and I went to the Russian baths for a 3 hour lounge in the sweat rooms. Hot and cold, hot and cold, I daren't check my blood sugar for fear that a combination of the temperature extremes and the two back to back workouts were wreaking havoc on them. When I had sweat out any remaining impurities form my pre-diabetic life I showered, shaved, baptized myself in lotion and faced the world anew.
The final part of the evening was spent eating at an organic and gluten-free restaurant (review to follow) with a dear old friend and one of the loveliest souls around. Catching up was as easy and nostalgic as arriving back at your house and setting your bags down after a too-long vacation.
A second dinner at home and a very peculiar though nonetheless impeccably well manicured film later and the day had come to an end. Some days feel altogether improbably perfect.
Oh, and I found $20 on the street.
Numbers:
11:35 -> 113 Awesome fasting number. Had a bite of Larabar 10c and then went for a 4 mile jog (with some walking) in the cold.
1:00 -> Breakfast: cereal 110c, pb@j bagel 45c, 6 oz steak, apple 15c = 170 = 4 units (with a few extra carbs to account for the run). Then 3 hours at the Russian bath.
7:29 -> 66 A bit low, a sign that I probably did a good ratio earlier, and the hot saunas kept me high, but actually I was a bit low. I ate my whole dinner and only injected before the dessert to give my bg a chance to raise a bit before the insulin took affect. Dinner: 6 oz filet mignon, 8 0z squash and pear soup 25c, vitamins, broccoli, chicken in lettuce wrap 8c, tiramisu 30c, brownie 12c, ice cream 12c = 88c = 2 units.
11:10 -> 91 Second dinner: Baked beans 87c, toast 28c, 9 oz steak, brussels sprouts and kale 18c, grapefruit 26c, chocolate 6c = 165c = 4 units.
1:29 -> 134 Good number: Took 6 units of Lantus.
I also finished my second book of the year today. Sex at Dawn - a provocative and dangerous account of the sexual evolution of our species.
Day 42
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Food Review: Sun In Bloom
Sun In Bloom
460 Bergen St. Brooklyn, NY., 11217, 718.622.4304
Today marked my first venture into the world of gluten free restaurants. Sun in Bloom, located just down the hill of the Bergen St. subway stop in Park Slope has been serving up vegan food for just over two years. The brainchild of Aimee Follette, their mission is to create a haven from the city for their patrons to enjoy conscientious cooking that still manages to be delicious and healthy.
I arrived without a reservation on a Sunday afternoon looking to accomplish two firsts: my first proper Sunday brunch in New York, and my first official "gluten free" meal at a restaurant. The wind was as crisp as an apple but the sun shone through a perfectly clear sky and spread its warmth on my bare skin. The world seemed pristine and clean. It was easy enough to see that there were no free tables before we even walked in the door. The only server, a facial hair masked Buddy Holly glasses wearing hipster type (sigh... this is Brooklyn after all) confirmed what we knew but "there are many tables about to clear." This gave us time to browse the menu.
"So the rule is," I started to my guests, "we each get something different and I get to try everything." After all, I was the one who would be stuck eating this sort of stuff in the foreseeable future. The brunch menu is just like the restaurant, concise yet creative. The blog claims that 98% of diners are not vegan, but looking around you wouldn't know it. Women fill most of the hardwood chairs and seem strangely at ease draping a yoga stretched arm over an iron and distressed wood table, their dainty hands clutching mason jars full of green juice. It's like lululemon meets restoration hardware.
"So do you know what you're having?" Asked my server, his thick black beard partially hidden by his blue plaid shirt buttoned all the way to the top.
"I'd like the gluten free pancakes." This was brunch after all, and if I'm at a gluten free restaurant I want to see how they manage at convincing me that I'm NOT gluten free, right?
"We're all out of the pancakes." They were all out of some other items too, a sign of negligence or popularity - probably the later. He ended up steering us smoothly towards three of the remaining menu options to the point where we were sure they had been our first choices all along. I got the Miso Tofu Scramble which was served atop quinoa and black beans with a lovely turnip hash and some collard greens cut into thin fettuccine style strips. Joe got the BLT made with what we guessed were oil soaked shitake mushrooms that had been oven roasted to crackly perfection, and Lili settled on the gluten-free brunch tart.
I must say the first bite of my scramble had my mouth leaping for joy. The zing of the miso made my pulse race, the quinoa and black beans were simply prepared and modestly seasoned and the collard greens seemed to add color and texture and not much more. I had a second bite and then passed it along for my companions to try. They each took a small forkful of the scramble, and just like that my breakfast was finished. Where had it gone? Joe's BLT was positively addicting - all two bites of it. And the gluten-free brunch tart, was a winner with a rich and crunchy crust, and the most silky roasted garlic and sage tofu quiche, underneath a layer of butternut squash and topped with shitake mushroom bacon (the same as before) and caramelized onions. I just wish they had put the rest of the tart on her plate as well, or at least another 1/8.
I left feeling very healthy and very... er... light? I was starving. I ordered one of their famous cookie sandwiches to go and ate it (inhaled it may be a better description) with my own pb&j, apple, chips with hummus, yogurt and cereal. Don't get me wrong. The food was wonderful, and I enjoyed every bite. I just wish there were more than 3 of them (bites that is). Which leads me to wonder why a restaurant that serves vegan food serves so little food. I know fiber is supposed to suppress appetite and all, but this is ridiculous. Surely quinoa, beans, and tofu cost less than a normal breakfast steak and eggs, so why the same price tag for a mere snack? Don't vegan's get hungry?
Sun in Bloom: ** $29 for meal, appetizer, dessert and drink.
The numbers:
12:49 -> 121 Sun in Bloom miso scramble 40c, bite of Larabar 10c and 1 unit of Novolog.
2:36 -> 89 HUNGRY!! pb&j 55c, cookie sandwich 80c, apple 20c, coffee 2c = 157 = 4 units.
4:19 -> 76 It's low because I thought the cookie may have had more sugar than I originally calculated. Turns out I probably guessed correctly. Had a snack of chips and hummus 10c with my vitamins.
9:00 -> 102 Nice! Dinner of brussel sprouts w/kale 18c, yams 55c, salad with sprouts, tomato, cucumber, avocado, onions 30c, quinoa salad with pepitos, kiwi and citrus 70c, grapefruit 26c = 199 = 5 units.
11:37 - 112 Good, worked out and had an apple.
12:40 - Took 6 units of Lantus. I like how 6 units worked today.
Workout: Erg - 5000m, 19:23.3 @ 1:56.3 r22
Translated: I'm way slow and out of shape and only rowed 3 miles but it's a start.
Day 41
Good Morning Brooklyn!
I woke up in Brooklyn!!
It felt amazing. I passed three couples pushing baby strollers on my way to the subway which also takes me by a yoga studio with dozens of lululemon clad women doing vinyasas at me. "I think I'm gonna like it here."
Tomorrow I wake up with two roommates. The mighty Joe Sofranko and lovely Lili Fuller. They're in town on business and I'm happy to have them.
It's wicked late though so I'm gonna skip to numbers.
pbpk -> ?? I moved and my old roommate kept the scale :(
11:13 ->120 Okay perfect number but it's still an increase from last night so I'm going to up the Lantus tonight. Breakfast: cereal 70c, pb&j 45c, piece of bread 12c, 1/2 larabar 15c = 142 = 3 units.
1:53 -> 172 That's a good pre-Joey number. Had vitamins and green tea.
6:16 -> 94 Awewsome! Dinner of a whole chicken, some chicken and rice 60c, black beans 15c, cucumber 4c, grapefruit 26c = 105 = 2 units.
12:18 -> Took 6 units of Lantus
1:39 -> 81 Had a glass of wine, and had a taco 31c (not enough carbs for insulin)
3:17 -> Had a salad 10c and took 1 unit of Novolog which, with the earlier taco, should put me somewhere nice. I'll probably set a 5:am alarm and check how I feel.
A wacky day in diet land. A whole chicken? What can I say. I got hungry, and the first 1/2 chicken didn't do the trick. Plus I had loads of energy today, and I've been pretty active so I don't think the chicken will do much damage.
Alright, off to bed with me.
Day 40
It felt amazing. I passed three couples pushing baby strollers on my way to the subway which also takes me by a yoga studio with dozens of lululemon clad women doing vinyasas at me. "I think I'm gonna like it here."
Tomorrow I wake up with two roommates. The mighty Joe Sofranko and lovely Lili Fuller. They're in town on business and I'm happy to have them.
It's wicked late though so I'm gonna skip to numbers.
pbpk -> ?? I moved and my old roommate kept the scale :(
11:13 ->120 Okay perfect number but it's still an increase from last night so I'm going to up the Lantus tonight. Breakfast: cereal 70c, pb&j 45c, piece of bread 12c, 1/2 larabar 15c = 142 = 3 units.
1:53 -> 172 That's a good pre-Joey number. Had vitamins and green tea.
6:16 -> 94 Awewsome! Dinner of a whole chicken, some chicken and rice 60c, black beans 15c, cucumber 4c, grapefruit 26c = 105 = 2 units.
12:18 -> Took 6 units of Lantus
1:39 -> 81 Had a glass of wine, and had a taco 31c (not enough carbs for insulin)
3:17 -> Had a salad 10c and took 1 unit of Novolog which, with the earlier taco, should put me somewhere nice. I'll probably set a 5:am alarm and check how I feel.
A wacky day in diet land. A whole chicken? What can I say. I got hungry, and the first 1/2 chicken didn't do the trick. Plus I had loads of energy today, and I've been pretty active so I don't think the chicken will do much damage.
Alright, off to bed with me.
Day 40
Friday, January 27, 2012
Moving Day
Today was the big move. The first time I've ever driven a truck. The first time I've ever driven a truck with Diabetes. The first time I've ever needed to hire a truck to move furniture... that I own. I'm such an adult. It makes me feel so lame.
Morning started as it should on moving day, with 12 vials of blood taken followed by torrential downpours. But then I got to the rental company and the rain started lightening up.
In Astoria i was assisted by the very generous and talented Bhavesh Patel and the stoic, uber-strong and surprisingly funny in a sort of grown-up fratty way Elliot Villar. I paid them in beer, pasta and love.
I then drove as slowly as I could using only streets to Park Slope, Brooklyn. My friend Seth Numrich who had to "audition" for something... loser. But instead I got Alex "the Alamo" Hoeffler who is strong as an ox in a 5'10 slightly hipster package. The move was a success.
As for my blood work... only time will tell - and the wise analysis of my awesome Detective Doctor.
#s
pbpk -> 184 If only my stocks would grow this quickly.
9:24 -> 184 Lame! This makes me a bit unhappy. I went to bed at a good number, but I guess the jam was an over-correction. Now the blood work may be a little botched. I had cereal 100c with an apple 20c = 3 units + a correction = 4 units.
11:30 -> Felt a tad low but didn't check and instead had a Larabar 27c.
4:17 -> 127 Finished moving (re: exhausting physical exertion). Had an Elk burger on a gluten free bun 26c, side salad with almonds, cranberries, blue cheese... 20c? = 46c = 1 unit.
5:30 -> Cleaned out my refrigerator and ended up noshing on a bunch of random leftover things: hummus 1c, yogurt 14c, cheese 1c.
7:50 -> 181 Not surprised that I'm high. Vitamins, pb&j 57c, 2 apples 30c = 87c w/correction = 3 units.
9:30 -> Coffee 5c, protein shake 5c. After the show I had a hard cider 26c + alcohol.
1:48 -> 110 Took my 5 units of Lantus.
All in all a pretty successful day. Nothing over 200 or under 100 and there were several variables: irregular mealtimes, irregular physical exertion, unusual foods. The coming weeks should start to level out a bit as I take control of my kitchen again and start working out on a schedule.
Day 39
Disclaimer: I actually love Seth Numrich, all aforementioned comments about him should be read with sarcasm.
Morning started as it should on moving day, with 12 vials of blood taken followed by torrential downpours. But then I got to the rental company and the rain started lightening up.
In Astoria i was assisted by the very generous and talented Bhavesh Patel and the stoic, uber-strong and surprisingly funny in a sort of grown-up fratty way Elliot Villar. I paid them in beer, pasta and love.
I then drove as slowly as I could using only streets to Park Slope, Brooklyn. My friend Seth Numrich who had to "audition" for something... loser. But instead I got Alex "the Alamo" Hoeffler who is strong as an ox in a 5'10 slightly hipster package. The move was a success.
As for my blood work... only time will tell - and the wise analysis of my awesome Detective Doctor.
#s
pbpk -> 184 If only my stocks would grow this quickly.
9:24 -> 184 Lame! This makes me a bit unhappy. I went to bed at a good number, but I guess the jam was an over-correction. Now the blood work may be a little botched. I had cereal 100c with an apple 20c = 3 units + a correction = 4 units.
11:30 -> Felt a tad low but didn't check and instead had a Larabar 27c.
4:17 -> 127 Finished moving (re: exhausting physical exertion). Had an Elk burger on a gluten free bun 26c, side salad with almonds, cranberries, blue cheese... 20c? = 46c = 1 unit.
5:30 -> Cleaned out my refrigerator and ended up noshing on a bunch of random leftover things: hummus 1c, yogurt 14c, cheese 1c.
7:50 -> 181 Not surprised that I'm high. Vitamins, pb&j 57c, 2 apples 30c = 87c w/correction = 3 units.
9:30 -> Coffee 5c, protein shake 5c. After the show I had a hard cider 26c + alcohol.
1:48 -> 110 Took my 5 units of Lantus.
All in all a pretty successful day. Nothing over 200 or under 100 and there were several variables: irregular mealtimes, irregular physical exertion, unusual foods. The coming weeks should start to level out a bit as I take control of my kitchen again and start working out on a schedule.
Day 39
Disclaimer: I actually love Seth Numrich, all aforementioned comments about him should be read with sarcasm.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Workplace Woes
I finally have something to talk about again. For those who have been paying close attention over the past few days my blood glucose seems to have been creeping up on average. And while I have several hypotheses why that might be the case, I decided, in an effort to bring the average back into a comfortable range, that I would change my carb:insulin ratio from >50:1 to about 40:1. This was successful for a few days, but today I finally had a response (for those just joining us that's a euphemism for hypoglycemia) that suggests I need the greater ratio.
Also, I had a miserable time at work. I keep getting noted for things that I'm actively trying to fix. And the notes come smothered in such anger and emotion that I find them hard to process constructively and instead find myself getting defensive first, angry second and finally recalcitrant. I'm continuing to battle through it as best I know how, but it has taken it's toll on me physically and imagine the constant stress has not been a positive ingredient in my diabetes control.
#s
pbpk ->182.4 Wow, I'm becoming a fatty, nice!
11:52 -> 148 Meh, I wish this hadn't gone up during the night. Cereal 100c, pb&j 50c, 1/2 cup blueberries 10c = 160c = 4 units Novolog.
2:12 -> 55 What's that i see? A low? Wow, I guess 40:1 may not quite be right. Had 4 oz orange juice 15c.
5:54 -> 113 Perfect. Dinner: rice 52c, curried beans 93c, broccoli with sundried tomatoes and garlic 20c, 1 sweet potato 25c, small apple 15c, 1 cookie 11c = 216 = 5 units.
8:34 -> 101 Felt emotional and wanted to check. F-ing War Horse is getting me down. I had a handful of brazil nuts 5c.
12:25 -> 119 Good number. Second dinner: Rice 52c, salsa 7c, beans 67c, onion 3c, soy chorizo 12c, tortillas 55c, spinach 2c, cheese 3c = 201c = 5 units Novolog and 5 units Lantus.
1:46 -> 51 Yikes! That's 2 lows in one day. Had 16c of Raspberry jam for quick release. But this confirms that 40:1 isn't quite right. I'll try 45:1 tomorrow I think.
2:34 -> 102 Good. It's probably still climbing but it shouldn't go much higher. And I don't want to spike too much because I'm getting blood work done tomorrow and I'd love for my blood glucose to be in a good level.
Day 38
Also, I had a miserable time at work. I keep getting noted for things that I'm actively trying to fix. And the notes come smothered in such anger and emotion that I find them hard to process constructively and instead find myself getting defensive first, angry second and finally recalcitrant. I'm continuing to battle through it as best I know how, but it has taken it's toll on me physically and imagine the constant stress has not been a positive ingredient in my diabetes control.
#s
pbpk ->182.4 Wow, I'm becoming a fatty, nice!
11:52 -> 148 Meh, I wish this hadn't gone up during the night. Cereal 100c, pb&j 50c, 1/2 cup blueberries 10c = 160c = 4 units Novolog.
2:12 -> 55 What's that i see? A low? Wow, I guess 40:1 may not quite be right. Had 4 oz orange juice 15c.
5:54 -> 113 Perfect. Dinner: rice 52c, curried beans 93c, broccoli with sundried tomatoes and garlic 20c, 1 sweet potato 25c, small apple 15c, 1 cookie 11c = 216 = 5 units.
8:34 -> 101 Felt emotional and wanted to check. F-ing War Horse is getting me down. I had a handful of brazil nuts 5c.
12:25 -> 119 Good number. Second dinner: Rice 52c, salsa 7c, beans 67c, onion 3c, soy chorizo 12c, tortillas 55c, spinach 2c, cheese 3c = 201c = 5 units Novolog and 5 units Lantus.
1:46 -> 51 Yikes! That's 2 lows in one day. Had 16c of Raspberry jam for quick release. But this confirms that 40:1 isn't quite right. I'll try 45:1 tomorrow I think.
2:34 -> 102 Good. It's probably still climbing but it shouldn't go much higher. And I don't want to spike too much because I'm getting blood work done tomorrow and I'd love for my blood glucose to be in a good level.
Day 38
"I Gained 20 pounds with Diabetes!"
Another day another dollar.
If you haven't heard, this Friday I'm moving from Astoria to park Slope, Brooklyn. Which means, among other things, that I'm doing my best to eat everything in my refrigerator so that I have less to carry to Brooklyn. So for those of you who actually read the content below the #s section, be prepared for lots of rice and beans!!
#s.
pbpk -> 180.8 Yeah baby, getting bigger!
11:24 -> 93 This is a good number, but how did I get here from 247 in the wee hours of the night? Had a breakfast of Cereal 100c, pb&j 50c, apple 20c = 170c = 4 units. When I got to the theatre I took my vitamins, green tea, lemon water and ACV.
5:02 -> 177 This is higher than I would have liked to see, especially after not eating for so many hours and doing a show (albeit Crow track). Dinner of rice 70c, beans 39c, salsa 6c, guac 13c, grapefruit 26c, and sweet potato 25c = 180 = 5 units (w/ a small correction).
7:57 -> 127 Awesome pre-Topthorn number. Had 1/2 a Lara bar 14c at 8:00.
1:44 -> 124 Another great number! It seems like about 40:1 is where I am these days. Dinner: TJ's bean salad 84c, 1/4 onion 3c, celery 2c, tomatoes 5c, avocado 8c, feta 2c, scallops and sauce 5c, rice 35c, apple 20c = 160c = 4 units Novolog and 5 units Lantus.
3:32 -> 131 Good enough for me. I'm off to bed! :)
Day 37
If you haven't heard, this Friday I'm moving from Astoria to park Slope, Brooklyn. Which means, among other things, that I'm doing my best to eat everything in my refrigerator so that I have less to carry to Brooklyn. So for those of you who actually read the content below the #s section, be prepared for lots of rice and beans!!
#s.
pbpk -> 180.8 Yeah baby, getting bigger!
11:24 -> 93 This is a good number, but how did I get here from 247 in the wee hours of the night? Had a breakfast of Cereal 100c, pb&j 50c, apple 20c = 170c = 4 units. When I got to the theatre I took my vitamins, green tea, lemon water and ACV.
5:02 -> 177 This is higher than I would have liked to see, especially after not eating for so many hours and doing a show (albeit Crow track). Dinner of rice 70c, beans 39c, salsa 6c, guac 13c, grapefruit 26c, and sweet potato 25c = 180 = 5 units (w/ a small correction).
7:57 -> 127 Awesome pre-Topthorn number. Had 1/2 a Lara bar 14c at 8:00.
1:44 -> 124 Another great number! It seems like about 40:1 is where I am these days. Dinner: TJ's bean salad 84c, 1/4 onion 3c, celery 2c, tomatoes 5c, avocado 8c, feta 2c, scallops and sauce 5c, rice 35c, apple 20c = 160c = 4 units Novolog and 5 units Lantus.
3:32 -> 131 Good enough for me. I'm off to bed! :)
Day 37
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Inspiration... Priceless
"You're either eating beans out of a can or getting a standing ovation"
~ Laura Benanti - on the life of a performer
I saw Laura Benanti perform in a solo concert at the Mitzi Newhouse theatre. She was phenomenal and has inspired me once again to be the best at whatever it is I choose to be. Right now that means being the best diabetic.
#s
12:43 ->141 Cereal 135c, apple 20c, grapefruit 26c, toast 15c, w/ peanut butter 5c = 201c = 4 units.
5:43 -> 111 Dinner: Sweet potatoes with cinnamon and baker's chocolate 55c, quinoa 60c, curry spinach 14c, apple 20c, pb&j 35c = 186 = 4 units. At 7:00 I had coffee with cream 6c.
10:18 -> 249 Why the hell am I so high? Second Dinner of Salmon with sides of spinach and tomatoes and olives in an amazing reduction. Couldn't have been more than 25c. Took 1 unit.
1:20 -> 186 Took 5 units of Lantus. Wow, I'm really not very efficient with my carb:insulin ratio today.
Hypothesis: I was almost completely inactive today. Also my sleep has been irregular, and today marks the day that I have the least amount of Vitamin D in my body. Tomorrow I'll either up my activity or I'll lower the carb:insulin ratio or a little of both. I need to get these numbers under better control because I have my blood work this Friday.
Day 35
~ Laura Benanti - on the life of a performer
I saw Laura Benanti perform in a solo concert at the Mitzi Newhouse theatre. She was phenomenal and has inspired me once again to be the best at whatever it is I choose to be. Right now that means being the best diabetic.
#s
12:43 ->141 Cereal 135c, apple 20c, grapefruit 26c, toast 15c, w/ peanut butter 5c = 201c = 4 units.
5:43 -> 111 Dinner: Sweet potatoes with cinnamon and baker's chocolate 55c, quinoa 60c, curry spinach 14c, apple 20c, pb&j 35c = 186 = 4 units. At 7:00 I had coffee with cream 6c.
10:18 -> 249 Why the hell am I so high? Second Dinner of Salmon with sides of spinach and tomatoes and olives in an amazing reduction. Couldn't have been more than 25c. Took 1 unit.
1:20 -> 186 Took 5 units of Lantus. Wow, I'm really not very efficient with my carb:insulin ratio today.
Hypothesis: I was almost completely inactive today. Also my sleep has been irregular, and today marks the day that I have the least amount of Vitamin D in my body. Tomorrow I'll either up my activity or I'll lower the carb:insulin ratio or a little of both. I need to get these numbers under better control because I have my blood work this Friday.
Day 35
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Batman: A Metaphor for Diabetes
Good morning everybody. I thought I'd let you put faces to some of my doctors. So here is what things would look like if the story of batman were a metaphor for my diabetes.
First, Dr. Susan Thys-Jacobs the woman detective who refuses to let it be a simple case of "take insulin the rest of your life." Out of network, though she may be, she is relentlessly curious about the causes of diabetes and optimistic about more homeopathic treatments, including vitamin supplementation. She gets to be Morgan Freeman's character because she's the most specialized. I trust her and she trusts me but we don't see each other too often. She has the most specific knowledge to impart to me.
Second, Dr. Karen Thornton the woman responsible for the original diagnoses. She treats lots of people in the theatre industry. I had hard proof of this on my second visit when out walked the PSM of "On a Clear Day You Can See Forever" Lisa Iacucci. She gets to be Gary Oldman's character because I get the impression that though she wants to do good, she's a little over her head. Her and I need to work together to battle diabetes and we'll both be better for it.
Nurse Linda Haselman is the woman who sees me the most regularly. A diabetic nurse counselor, she tells me about the day to day of living with diabetes. She's helpful for showing me how to administer insulin injections, or a potentially lifesaving glucagon injection. She monitors my diet, making sure I eat enough carbs, protein, vegetables, etc. I always leave her office with some sort of goodie, either a few free lancets or maybe a diabetic cookbook. For those reasons, she gets to be Michael Caine's character.
Catwoman, tempting, provocative, so desirable - not bad for all people, but not good for me. I want it but I can't have it. It's not a stretch to see that she represents gluten.
Finally Diabetes itself:
There's no better personification of diabetes than the Joker. No rhyme, no reason, not really even funny (unless you have a very dark sense of humor). A product of civilization, that is willing to put humanity into life threatening situations. Remember the scene with the people on the two boats? He didn't actually explode either boat, but wanted the passengers to act out of fear and cowardice and do the deed themselves. But then diabetes doesn't really kill you either, it's not dealing with it responsibly that kills you.
... so what does that make me?
The dark knight! I fight the evil within and do my best to protect those who are less fortunate than me. In the words of the MacMillan crest "Miseris Succurrere disco" - which means: I learn to succor the innocent.
#s
12:12 -> 77 Bagel 42c, egg 1c, cheese 2c, soy chorizo 20c, cereal w/out yogurt which I poorly estimated to be 120c = 185c = 3 units. At 5:00 I had a small apple 14c, a handful of peanuts 4c, green tea and vitamins.
7:58 -> 151 Meh, Dinner: Sweet potatoes w/cinnamon & baker's chocolate 55c, peas 15c, quinoa 60c, curried spinach 14c, carrots 14c, apple 22c, salad 15c = 197c = 4 units.
11:20 -> 186 Hmm... may adjust to 50:1 tomorrow and see if that keeps me a little bit lower than I've been the past few days. Had a 7 oz skirt steak.
2:38 -> 180 Oh well, It's slowly going down, probably the work of my own beta cells. Thank you honeymoon period. Oh, and I just took my Lantus, shame on me for taking it late, maybe I should set an alarm?
Day 34
First, Dr. Susan Thys-Jacobs the woman detective who refuses to let it be a simple case of "take insulin the rest of your life." Out of network, though she may be, she is relentlessly curious about the causes of diabetes and optimistic about more homeopathic treatments, including vitamin supplementation. She gets to be Morgan Freeman's character because she's the most specialized. I trust her and she trusts me but we don't see each other too often. She has the most specific knowledge to impart to me.
Second, Dr. Karen Thornton the woman responsible for the original diagnoses. She treats lots of people in the theatre industry. I had hard proof of this on my second visit when out walked the PSM of "On a Clear Day You Can See Forever" Lisa Iacucci. She gets to be Gary Oldman's character because I get the impression that though she wants to do good, she's a little over her head. Her and I need to work together to battle diabetes and we'll both be better for it.
Nurse Linda Haselman is the woman who sees me the most regularly. A diabetic nurse counselor, she tells me about the day to day of living with diabetes. She's helpful for showing me how to administer insulin injections, or a potentially lifesaving glucagon injection. She monitors my diet, making sure I eat enough carbs, protein, vegetables, etc. I always leave her office with some sort of goodie, either a few free lancets or maybe a diabetic cookbook. For those reasons, she gets to be Michael Caine's character.
Catwoman, tempting, provocative, so desirable - not bad for all people, but not good for me. I want it but I can't have it. It's not a stretch to see that she represents gluten.
Finally Diabetes itself:
There's no better personification of diabetes than the Joker. No rhyme, no reason, not really even funny (unless you have a very dark sense of humor). A product of civilization, that is willing to put humanity into life threatening situations. Remember the scene with the people on the two boats? He didn't actually explode either boat, but wanted the passengers to act out of fear and cowardice and do the deed themselves. But then diabetes doesn't really kill you either, it's not dealing with it responsibly that kills you.
... so what does that make me?
The dark knight! I fight the evil within and do my best to protect those who are less fortunate than me. In the words of the MacMillan crest "Miseris Succurrere disco" - which means: I learn to succor the innocent.
#s
12:12 -> 77 Bagel 42c, egg 1c, cheese 2c, soy chorizo 20c, cereal w/out yogurt which I poorly estimated to be 120c = 185c = 3 units. At 5:00 I had a small apple 14c, a handful of peanuts 4c, green tea and vitamins.
7:58 -> 151 Meh, Dinner: Sweet potatoes w/cinnamon & baker's chocolate 55c, peas 15c, quinoa 60c, curried spinach 14c, carrots 14c, apple 22c, salad 15c = 197c = 4 units.
11:20 -> 186 Hmm... may adjust to 50:1 tomorrow and see if that keeps me a little bit lower than I've been the past few days. Had a 7 oz skirt steak.
2:38 -> 180 Oh well, It's slowly going down, probably the work of my own beta cells. Thank you honeymoon period. Oh, and I just took my Lantus, shame on me for taking it late, maybe I should set an alarm?
Day 34
Top 10 Gluten Cravings
Here are the top 10 things I miss so far about being Gluten-free.
1. Sandwiches - From cubanos to tortas to paninis to grilled cheeses, bahn mis to burgers, it doesn't get much better than a good sandwich. Like this gouda grilled cheese with black bean spread, guava jam and dressed with jalepenos on a brioche served at the Kickshaw in Astoria. I've never had it, and now I never will.
2. Homemade cookies - When you work at a theatre with a cast of 37 and a company of almost double that, between the birthdays and the avid bakers there are ALWAYS little sugar, flour and butter based concoctions in the Green Room. Some days it's as simple as chocolate chip cookies, sometimes it's a ginger rosemary loaf, or maybe blueberry scones, or little cupcakes. Whatever it is, it's off limits to me.
3. Beer - I went to a bar the other night with over 100 beers. Only one was gluten free. It tasted terrible. Having been around the world and back again I've developed a taste for all beers. The good (Maredsous 8) the bad (Efes) and the necessary (PBR, Corona, Blue Moon). You can't play flip cup with red wine, and you can't chase shots of tequila with more shots of tequila. Plus, no more beer battered fish n chips, no beer can chicken, or beer braised ribs.
4. Dim Sum - This was the first thing I thought of when I was told to cut Gluten out of my diet, and two weeks later it continues to be the most devastating. There are no substitutes. Udi doesn't make gluten free pork buns, and no dumpling, no matter how good the company, ever tastes as good from a package as it does from a steam cart. Even the dim sum plates that I may be able to eat (pan fried taro cake, sweet bean curd, chicken feet, congee) are risky because any dim sum place that is worth anything is staffed by non english speakers. Miso sad!
5. Pizza - I live in New York. The top two reasons I decided to make the move were the following. 1. I got offered a job on Broadway. 2. New York Pizza. Come aaaaahhhn! It doesn't get any better than this. And to make matters worse, one of the best slices I've ever come across is served up at a deli a few blocks from where I live. It had become a once a week tradition, every Monday I'd get a few slices, a quart of their marinara, some homemade mozzarella and maybe a bag of dried mushrooms or something like that.
6. Magnolia Banana pudding - If you've never had it, I may recommend that you never do just in case you ever do end up with a disease where you're not allowed to eat it. There's no doubt in my mind that it is better and more addictive than crack. No matter how big the container, once I start eating it I can't stop until it's all gone. Banana Pudding, more than anything else I've experienced, has made me question the adage: "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
7. Bagels - Here's another example of an item that I didn't even eat that much when I could, but now that they're forbidden I see them everywhere. I sometimes wonder how I'll make it through the day. And there's no adequate substitute, just lots of mediocre ones. And sometimes that's even worse. It's easy to appreciate a Matisse if DaVinci is your favorite artist, but being asked to appreciate an art student's attempt at Mona Lisa? Forget about it.
8. Veggie sausage - This is the most umbrella category I'm including. Basically I miss being able to go into any Health food store and buy a prepackaged vegan something or other. Most vegan foods in such stores use wheat gluten as their protein source. It's a weird thing to miss, but sometimes I just want some veggie sausage in my salad, or a mock duck sandwich and now I can't.
9. Ramen noodles - I spent seven months in Asia, how can I not miss Ramen noodles now that they're on my forbidden list. Of all the foods on the list this seems the most cruel since I had only just started my love affair with asian noodle soups. It's a love cut off in its infancy. We were young and in love, but it was a love that could not endure. It's like a Shakespearean tragedy... told through food.
10. Clif Builder Bars - If you are what you eat, then last year I was approximately 15% Clif Builder Bars. I ate at least one a day, often two. They're freakin' delicious, chocolaty, minty, or else zesty with a sweet lemon creme. Probably the most delicious protein bars on the market.
For the Doctors:
pbpk weight: 179.8
12:15 -> 143 The fat at night kept me high. Gluten free bagel (meh) 42c, eggs 1c, cheese 2c, avocado 16c, soy chorizo 20c, cereal 40c = 120 = 2 units Novolog.
2:25 -> 90 Still hungry, had a gluten free Carrot Muffin 48c, two gluten free cookies 40c, a banana 27c, apple 12c = 127 = 2 units. Green tea and vitamins B12, B50, D, Cal and Mag.
7:28 -> 225 Well, shame on me for eating so much junk food earlier. Guess that caused the spike, too many high GI foods. Had 24 oz chili 75c, blueberries 20c, grapefruit 16c = 111 = 2 units insulin. Let's hope I creep down from the small carb deficit.
12:40 Had a glass or red wine.
1:40 -> 5 units of Lantus
3:18 -> 90 Had a pecan Lara bar 24c
Sigh, will I ever stop missing these foods? And what about the others I didn't mention? German pancakes, waffles, lobster ravioli, gnocchi, croissants...
Day 33
1. Sandwiches - From cubanos to tortas to paninis to grilled cheeses, bahn mis to burgers, it doesn't get much better than a good sandwich. Like this gouda grilled cheese with black bean spread, guava jam and dressed with jalepenos on a brioche served at the Kickshaw in Astoria. I've never had it, and now I never will.
2. Homemade cookies - When you work at a theatre with a cast of 37 and a company of almost double that, between the birthdays and the avid bakers there are ALWAYS little sugar, flour and butter based concoctions in the Green Room. Some days it's as simple as chocolate chip cookies, sometimes it's a ginger rosemary loaf, or maybe blueberry scones, or little cupcakes. Whatever it is, it's off limits to me.
3. Beer - I went to a bar the other night with over 100 beers. Only one was gluten free. It tasted terrible. Having been around the world and back again I've developed a taste for all beers. The good (Maredsous 8) the bad (Efes) and the necessary (PBR, Corona, Blue Moon). You can't play flip cup with red wine, and you can't chase shots of tequila with more shots of tequila. Plus, no more beer battered fish n chips, no beer can chicken, or beer braised ribs.
4. Dim Sum - This was the first thing I thought of when I was told to cut Gluten out of my diet, and two weeks later it continues to be the most devastating. There are no substitutes. Udi doesn't make gluten free pork buns, and no dumpling, no matter how good the company, ever tastes as good from a package as it does from a steam cart. Even the dim sum plates that I may be able to eat (pan fried taro cake, sweet bean curd, chicken feet, congee) are risky because any dim sum place that is worth anything is staffed by non english speakers. Miso sad!
5. Pizza - I live in New York. The top two reasons I decided to make the move were the following. 1. I got offered a job on Broadway. 2. New York Pizza. Come aaaaahhhn! It doesn't get any better than this. And to make matters worse, one of the best slices I've ever come across is served up at a deli a few blocks from where I live. It had become a once a week tradition, every Monday I'd get a few slices, a quart of their marinara, some homemade mozzarella and maybe a bag of dried mushrooms or something like that.
6. Magnolia Banana pudding - If you've never had it, I may recommend that you never do just in case you ever do end up with a disease where you're not allowed to eat it. There's no doubt in my mind that it is better and more addictive than crack. No matter how big the container, once I start eating it I can't stop until it's all gone. Banana Pudding, more than anything else I've experienced, has made me question the adage: "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
7. Bagels - Here's another example of an item that I didn't even eat that much when I could, but now that they're forbidden I see them everywhere. I sometimes wonder how I'll make it through the day. And there's no adequate substitute, just lots of mediocre ones. And sometimes that's even worse. It's easy to appreciate a Matisse if DaVinci is your favorite artist, but being asked to appreciate an art student's attempt at Mona Lisa? Forget about it.
8. Veggie sausage - This is the most umbrella category I'm including. Basically I miss being able to go into any Health food store and buy a prepackaged vegan something or other. Most vegan foods in such stores use wheat gluten as their protein source. It's a weird thing to miss, but sometimes I just want some veggie sausage in my salad, or a mock duck sandwich and now I can't.
9. Ramen noodles - I spent seven months in Asia, how can I not miss Ramen noodles now that they're on my forbidden list. Of all the foods on the list this seems the most cruel since I had only just started my love affair with asian noodle soups. It's a love cut off in its infancy. We were young and in love, but it was a love that could not endure. It's like a Shakespearean tragedy... told through food.
10. Clif Builder Bars - If you are what you eat, then last year I was approximately 15% Clif Builder Bars. I ate at least one a day, often two. They're freakin' delicious, chocolaty, minty, or else zesty with a sweet lemon creme. Probably the most delicious protein bars on the market.
For the Doctors:
pbpk weight: 179.8
12:15 -> 143 The fat at night kept me high. Gluten free bagel (meh) 42c, eggs 1c, cheese 2c, avocado 16c, soy chorizo 20c, cereal 40c = 120 = 2 units Novolog.
2:25 -> 90 Still hungry, had a gluten free Carrot Muffin 48c, two gluten free cookies 40c, a banana 27c, apple 12c = 127 = 2 units. Green tea and vitamins B12, B50, D, Cal and Mag.
7:28 -> 225 Well, shame on me for eating so much junk food earlier. Guess that caused the spike, too many high GI foods. Had 24 oz chili 75c, blueberries 20c, grapefruit 16c = 111 = 2 units insulin. Let's hope I creep down from the small carb deficit.
12:40 Had a glass or red wine.
1:40 -> 5 units of Lantus
3:18 -> 90 Had a pecan Lara bar 24c
Sigh, will I ever stop missing these foods? And what about the others I didn't mention? German pancakes, waffles, lobster ravioli, gnocchi, croissants...
Day 33
Saturday, January 21, 2012
A Sleepy Diabetic
To say I'm burning the candle at both ends is an understatement. More like I put a candle on a table and then took a blow torch to it, reducing the candle, the table and half a city block to rubble and ash. I went to bed very late last night and did not sleep soundly. I woke up this morning at the butt crack of dawn to go to an appointment with my nurse where she said in about twice as many words: "You're doing very well."
Didn't weigh myself, too tired to step on the scale. I'll try again tomorrow.
8:49 -> 103 Another perfect morning number. Cereal 140c, 2 eggs with toast 16c, avocado 16c = 172 or 3 units of insulin.
11:32 -> 150 My traditional mid appointment blood check. Did pretty well, but it's just a bit higher than we've been seeing. At 1:30 I had a 12oz coffee with half and half. At 4:00 I had some peanuts and took my vitamins.
5:51 -> 128 Starving and so feasted on 2 Trader Joes cod dinners 58c, 3 cookies (gf) 36c, banana 30c, 5 oz blueberries 21c, grapefruit 26c = 171 = 3 units.
7:56 -> 146 Just checking pre-show because I'm doing Topthorn. I'm so freakin' tired I'm not as body aware as usual.
12:29 -> 108 Seems like I'm still creeping down between meals despite snacking. That suggests that my pancreas is still producing some insulin. Dinner: quinoa 60c, spinach dal 20c, salad 15c, 2 apples 40c, grapefruit 26c, toast 17c = 178c = 3 units Novolog and 5 units Lantus. At about 2:00am I also had three ducklegs. Lots of meat but lots of fat so hopefully much of my glucose had already been metabolized or else somebody's going to creep up in the night. :/ We'll see.
3:22 -> 178 Okay. So it seems like today I'm leaning a little higher post meals. I'm hoping this is just the affect of no sleep. If things settle a bit more tomorrow... great. If not, I may start adjusting to 55:1 or 50:1 carbs to insulin. Let's see what I wake up at.
But the numbers were good enough for now. Next week blood work. The week after that blood work results. I'm going for a 8% A1C (It'd be very improbable to be lower because the average would still include a few weeks of my prediagnosed levels). Two months from now I see the nurse again. In the meantime I need to see a dermatologist, buy a Type 1 identity bracelet, and start working out like a fiend. I can do it. But it all starts with sleep...
zzzzzzzzzz........
Day 32
Didn't weigh myself, too tired to step on the scale. I'll try again tomorrow.
8:49 -> 103 Another perfect morning number. Cereal 140c, 2 eggs with toast 16c, avocado 16c = 172 or 3 units of insulin.
11:32 -> 150 My traditional mid appointment blood check. Did pretty well, but it's just a bit higher than we've been seeing. At 1:30 I had a 12oz coffee with half and half. At 4:00 I had some peanuts and took my vitamins.
5:51 -> 128 Starving and so feasted on 2 Trader Joes cod dinners 58c, 3 cookies (gf) 36c, banana 30c, 5 oz blueberries 21c, grapefruit 26c = 171 = 3 units.
7:56 -> 146 Just checking pre-show because I'm doing Topthorn. I'm so freakin' tired I'm not as body aware as usual.
12:29 -> 108 Seems like I'm still creeping down between meals despite snacking. That suggests that my pancreas is still producing some insulin. Dinner: quinoa 60c, spinach dal 20c, salad 15c, 2 apples 40c, grapefruit 26c, toast 17c = 178c = 3 units Novolog and 5 units Lantus. At about 2:00am I also had three ducklegs. Lots of meat but lots of fat so hopefully much of my glucose had already been metabolized or else somebody's going to creep up in the night. :/ We'll see.
3:22 -> 178 Okay. So it seems like today I'm leaning a little higher post meals. I'm hoping this is just the affect of no sleep. If things settle a bit more tomorrow... great. If not, I may start adjusting to 55:1 or 50:1 carbs to insulin. Let's see what I wake up at.
But the numbers were good enough for now. Next week blood work. The week after that blood work results. I'm going for a 8% A1C (It'd be very improbable to be lower because the average would still include a few weeks of my prediagnosed levels). Two months from now I see the nurse again. In the meantime I need to see a dermatologist, buy a Type 1 identity bracelet, and start working out like a fiend. I can do it. But it all starts with sleep...
zzzzzzzzzz........
Day 32
Thursday, January 19, 2012
I Met a Girl
In the War on Diabetes, yesterday was another victory for me! I gave them the one two combo of healthy eating and balanced injections. I Krav Maga'ed the numbers into a great range for the second day in a row.
Also I got a recommendation for a book called "Cheating Destiny: Living with Diabetes" Whaddya think? Should I pick it up? It was recommended by long time friend of my dad and sister Mark Zimmerman who has a recently diagnosed relative.
pbpk weight: 178.9
11:41 -> 121 Great! Woke up with perfect numbers. Had cereal 135c, apple 20c and 1 piece of toast with an egg 13c = 168 = 3 units Novolog. Later during the first show I had a handful of almonds 3c.
4:55 -> 136 Good! Had my gloriously delicious turkey chili 165c, chips 20c, salad 15c, a banana 25c and 1/3 grapefruit 9c = 238 = 4 units.
7:27 -> 79 Dang, just out of range, and a little low to be performing Joey. I finished the grapefruit 11c, and had another handful of almonds 3c.
12:40 -> Took 5 units of Lantus. Ate a Carrot Lara Bar 32c, had two vodka seltzers.
2:45 -> 139 Wow, not bad. With a number this good I didn't want to risk eating and then going to sleep so instead I had a 5c supper of smoked herring and celery stalks. I hope to wake up under 150.
Notice anything strange about what I consumed today? If you do, let me know and I'll give you the story.
Day 30
Also I got a recommendation for a book called "Cheating Destiny: Living with Diabetes" Whaddya think? Should I pick it up? It was recommended by long time friend of my dad and sister Mark Zimmerman who has a recently diagnosed relative.
pbpk weight: 178.9
11:41 -> 121 Great! Woke up with perfect numbers. Had cereal 135c, apple 20c and 1 piece of toast with an egg 13c = 168 = 3 units Novolog. Later during the first show I had a handful of almonds 3c.
4:55 -> 136 Good! Had my gloriously delicious turkey chili 165c, chips 20c, salad 15c, a banana 25c and 1/3 grapefruit 9c = 238 = 4 units.
7:27 -> 79 Dang, just out of range, and a little low to be performing Joey. I finished the grapefruit 11c, and had another handful of almonds 3c.
12:40 -> Took 5 units of Lantus. Ate a Carrot Lara Bar 32c, had two vodka seltzers.
2:45 -> 139 Wow, not bad. With a number this good I didn't want to risk eating and then going to sleep so instead I had a 5c supper of smoked herring and celery stalks. I hope to wake up under 150.
Notice anything strange about what I consumed today? If you do, let me know and I'll give you the story.
Day 30
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
4 Weeks Before and After
This is what I looked like on December 20, 2011, on the first day of being diagnosed and weighing 161.
And this is what I looked like yesterday, January 16, 2012 four weeks later and weighing 181.
I'd like to dedicate today's numbers to my awesome team of medical personal. Dr. Thys and Dr. Thorton and Nurse Linda:
pbpk -> 178 Well looks like the weight has stabilized, now I'm going to have to earn those extra pounds. Time to add squats to my nightly push-ups.
11:40 -> 140 Good! Was rushed this morning so had a pb&j 33c, an apple 20c, and a protein shake 5 c = 58c = 1 unit. From here I went to acupuncture.
3:35 -> 110 Good! I didn't check two hours after breakfast because I felt really good and want to stop using so many test strips. But I think this number is proof that the Lantus dose is good. I had a Chipotle burrito bowl with a taco shell 9c, black beans 23c, rice 50c, chicen 1c, corn 12c, sauce 11c, s. cream 2c, tomato and lettuce 4c =112 = 2 units. Also had my vitamins D, Calcium, Magnesium, B12 and B50.
6:31 -> 128 Good! I got wicked hungry before the show and so I had another quick pb&j, 56 and some grapefruit 10c = 66c = 1 unit. Performed Joey.
12:05 -> 101 Good again! Salad 15c, Curried Spinach 14c, quinoa 60c, apple 20c, 2 sweet potatoes 50c, carrots 20c = 180c = 3 units of Novolog and 5 units of Lantus.
2:58 -> 132 And Good Night!
I have to be honest, I'm a bit diappointed in Diabetes. I expected a bit of a challenge, but a mere 4 weeks since my diagnosis I've got it all but licked. I'm big and strong and energized and can keep my numbers within a 39 point range. How do you like them apples??
Day 29
Best Day Ever!
Today was without a doubt the best day I've had all year and probably extending back into last year as well as far back as my trip to the Catskills, and spent with the same person.
Let's put aside the "diabetic" for today and talk about the "fittest" part.
Day started with a hearty breakfast and a quick rearrangement of my schedule and then the fun began. I went down to the Russian and Turkish bathhouse on the Lower East Side and accompanied by fellow actor Seth Numrich and his friends went from hot to cold then back to hot then back to cold. The Turkish room is kept at a little over 120 with mostly cedar wood and an ice shower up front. The Aroma Steam room is constantly pumping clouds of eucalyptus scented steam into the air until you are convinced your the only person there. The Russian room went to what felt like 180 degrees and makes your face feel like it's burning right off minutes into the experience. The only way to make it past five minutes is to dump buckets of the icy water that fills a well in the middle. Three hours later my pore had been opened and closed and drained so many times that when I finally dried off I felt newly born. I felt alive again, at peace, centered, baptized in the cleansing waters of the NYDWP.
From there I used my powers of persuasion to wrangle Seth into joining me for an introductory Krav Maga class at the Krav Maga institute. The first 10 minutes nearly made my heart explode out of my chest. Blood pumped so fast and so loudly around my body I felt like I had a subwoofer in my head, or that I myself was a subwoofer, thump thump thump. But then we stretched a bit and finally got to the nitty gritty of it, working strikes and blocks and kicks. It was a blast, a pretty good though not amazing workout, and armed me with a few skills to work on outside of class before returning. I finished the class aware that loads of little muscle fibers had torn and that I would be sore tomorrow and stronger next week. This is a very good feeling.
From there we took turns walking and sprinting to the Angelika Film Center on Houston St. where I paid a whopping $1 to see what is probably the best film since Amelie. "The Artist" is everything a film should be, transcendent, beautiful, provocative, hopeful. I left the theatre feeling alive, feeling filled with love for the world and love for my life. It is a testament to the creativity of man and a stunning realization of the value of life and the power of love. I couldn't go straight home after that and had to walk around Manhattan, snowflakes treading gently in the air.
When I finally made it back to Astoria I had a dinner of AMAZING turkey stew*, salad and two apples. Read a very exciting email from a dear friend in Maine and then I watched "The Descendants" with Cat on her new 40' flat screen. I can see why it's getting award nods. It tells a very good if highly predictable story of a man reconnecting with his family after tragedy befalls his wife juxtaposed with the paradise perfect backdrop of Hawaii. It's a great film, but falls very short of "The Artist."
Now for the doctors:
pbpk: I dunno, I felt like skipping this today.
11:42 -> 131 Good, popped up beautifully from my final evening snack last night. Had Cereal 135c and an apple 20c and 2 pieces of toast with an egg 24c and my vitamins = 179c = 2 units Novolog.
3:54 -> 215 Okay, okay, I know that's higher than I've been in awhile. Do I think I overshot breakfast? Not really. I actually just think this is the affect of three hours of super hot temperatures at the bath house. Cold makes you go down so it stands to reason that hot makes you go up. Right? I had 2 units Novolog with chicken and roasted veg 40c, potato salad 40c and beet salad 20c = 120.
5:15 -> 101 I could feel myself dropping, but since I quickly treated the symptoms with a Lara bar 24c and since I checked as soon as I felt the drop I don't know what the lowest I got was. What I do know is that I felt all the symptoms and that I dropped 114 points (or more) in about an hour. Because I ate the right amount of carbs per insulin, I can only imagine this is the result of finally "coming down" from the heat.
11:58 -> 121 Yes! Greek Salad 15c, Chili 165c, chips 24c, 2 apples 40c = 244 = 4 units of Novolog and 5 units of Lantus.
3:36 -> 134 And I am good to go to bed!! :)
Tomorrow I go to acupuncture, then another movie, some delicious food and then I get to perform the lead role in a hit Broadway show. LIG my friends, LIG.
*
I took a pound of turkey and browned it in a bit of olive oil in a 4 quart saucepan, then removed it from heat. I threw some minced garlic and half a chopped onion in a pan with more olive oil until the onions softened, then I added it to the turkey and returned the whole thing to heat. Next I added a 15 ounce can of tomato sauce, 30 oz of water and then 15 ounces of mixed legumes (lentils, peas, mung beans). I brought the whole mixture to a boil and then reduced it to a simmer. Now I added the spices, a ton of chili powder, a healthy amount of cumin, oregano, basil, thyme, garlic powder, salt, cinnamon and pepper. I also added a square (1/2 ounce) of baker's chocolate. Then I let it do it's thing and came back for the occasional taste. When I finished it was divine. The best chili I've ever made. I shredded a few ounces of english cheddar over the top and used tortilla chips in place of a spoon. I could eat this once a week forever.
Day 28.
Let's put aside the "diabetic" for today and talk about the "fittest" part.
Day started with a hearty breakfast and a quick rearrangement of my schedule and then the fun began. I went down to the Russian and Turkish bathhouse on the Lower East Side and accompanied by fellow actor Seth Numrich and his friends went from hot to cold then back to hot then back to cold. The Turkish room is kept at a little over 120 with mostly cedar wood and an ice shower up front. The Aroma Steam room is constantly pumping clouds of eucalyptus scented steam into the air until you are convinced your the only person there. The Russian room went to what felt like 180 degrees and makes your face feel like it's burning right off minutes into the experience. The only way to make it past five minutes is to dump buckets of the icy water that fills a well in the middle. Three hours later my pore had been opened and closed and drained so many times that when I finally dried off I felt newly born. I felt alive again, at peace, centered, baptized in the cleansing waters of the NYDWP.
From there I used my powers of persuasion to wrangle Seth into joining me for an introductory Krav Maga class at the Krav Maga institute. The first 10 minutes nearly made my heart explode out of my chest. Blood pumped so fast and so loudly around my body I felt like I had a subwoofer in my head, or that I myself was a subwoofer, thump thump thump. But then we stretched a bit and finally got to the nitty gritty of it, working strikes and blocks and kicks. It was a blast, a pretty good though not amazing workout, and armed me with a few skills to work on outside of class before returning. I finished the class aware that loads of little muscle fibers had torn and that I would be sore tomorrow and stronger next week. This is a very good feeling.
From there we took turns walking and sprinting to the Angelika Film Center on Houston St. where I paid a whopping $1 to see what is probably the best film since Amelie. "The Artist" is everything a film should be, transcendent, beautiful, provocative, hopeful. I left the theatre feeling alive, feeling filled with love for the world and love for my life. It is a testament to the creativity of man and a stunning realization of the value of life and the power of love. I couldn't go straight home after that and had to walk around Manhattan, snowflakes treading gently in the air.
When I finally made it back to Astoria I had a dinner of AMAZING turkey stew*, salad and two apples. Read a very exciting email from a dear friend in Maine and then I watched "The Descendants" with Cat on her new 40' flat screen. I can see why it's getting award nods. It tells a very good if highly predictable story of a man reconnecting with his family after tragedy befalls his wife juxtaposed with the paradise perfect backdrop of Hawaii. It's a great film, but falls very short of "The Artist."
Now for the doctors:
pbpk: I dunno, I felt like skipping this today.
11:42 -> 131 Good, popped up beautifully from my final evening snack last night. Had Cereal 135c and an apple 20c and 2 pieces of toast with an egg 24c and my vitamins = 179c = 2 units Novolog.
3:54 -> 215 Okay, okay, I know that's higher than I've been in awhile. Do I think I overshot breakfast? Not really. I actually just think this is the affect of three hours of super hot temperatures at the bath house. Cold makes you go down so it stands to reason that hot makes you go up. Right? I had 2 units Novolog with chicken and roasted veg 40c, potato salad 40c and beet salad 20c = 120.
5:15 -> 101 I could feel myself dropping, but since I quickly treated the symptoms with a Lara bar 24c and since I checked as soon as I felt the drop I don't know what the lowest I got was. What I do know is that I felt all the symptoms and that I dropped 114 points (or more) in about an hour. Because I ate the right amount of carbs per insulin, I can only imagine this is the result of finally "coming down" from the heat.
11:58 -> 121 Yes! Greek Salad 15c, Chili 165c, chips 24c, 2 apples 40c = 244 = 4 units of Novolog and 5 units of Lantus.
3:36 -> 134 And I am good to go to bed!! :)
Tomorrow I go to acupuncture, then another movie, some delicious food and then I get to perform the lead role in a hit Broadway show. LIG my friends, LIG.
*
I took a pound of turkey and browned it in a bit of olive oil in a 4 quart saucepan, then removed it from heat. I threw some minced garlic and half a chopped onion in a pan with more olive oil until the onions softened, then I added it to the turkey and returned the whole thing to heat. Next I added a 15 ounce can of tomato sauce, 30 oz of water and then 15 ounces of mixed legumes (lentils, peas, mung beans). I brought the whole mixture to a boil and then reduced it to a simmer. Now I added the spices, a ton of chili powder, a healthy amount of cumin, oregano, basil, thyme, garlic powder, salt, cinnamon and pepper. I also added a square (1/2 ounce) of baker's chocolate. Then I let it do it's thing and came back for the occasional taste. When I finished it was divine. The best chili I've ever made. I shredded a few ounces of english cheddar over the top and used tortilla chips in place of a spoon. I could eat this once a week forever.
Day 28.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Finding Balance
Today begins the most luxurious few days I'll have had in awhile. Starting with performing in a "rest" track for the show which already gave me a chance to regenerate, I punctuated the show with an hour massage session. Afterwards i enjoyed a delicious meal and watched what I thought was a perfectly arced film called "The Music Never Stopped." Starring the guy best known as the father in Juno or the newspaper editor in Spiderman, it's a film about a man fixing a broken relationship with his son who is amnesiac from a recent brain tumor. I'll go to sleep tonight before 2am (the earliest bedtime I've had in weeks). Tomorrow, if I stay as motivated as I'm feeling right now the plan is to wake a bit early and go to a Krav Maga (Israeli martial arts) class for an hour followed by as many hours as I can stand at the Russian Bath house on the lower east side. I'll have to watch my sugars closely since the class will be aerobic and the bath house will have temperature extremes. After that I'll use my SAG benefit to go see "The Artist" in a theatre and then it's home for leftovers of what I had today. Tuesday begins with an acupuncture session before taking in another SAG screener of "My Week With Marilyn." Did I mention that I don't have rehearsal Tuesday? That's a big deal, and my body and general mental state (which is actually probably an 8 out of 10 these days) will thank me.
I would consider today's numbers a great success. What I'm starting to see is stability between meals which suggests that the amount of slow release insulin in the form of a Lantus SoloStar pen is the right dose. Also, the 60:1 ratio seems to be very close to exact, especially when you consider many of my measurements are close approximations. The only thing that was unusual about today is my lack of activity. I had only one show in which I was "Crow" track, the slowest of the 4 tracks. I sandwiched work with very little activity.
pbpk: 180.4
9:53 -> 118 I did indeed wake up at this ungodly hour. Every since I got diagnosed with diabetes I seem to be forced into waking up before 11. Nowhere on the support groups do they list this under symptoms. The shakes, and sweats, and paranoia I can deal with, but waking up before the sun has reached it's high point seems cruel. Anyway, I had cereal 135c with 2 units of Novolog, and since that's 15c over my 60:1 ratio I might have been able to predict an increase of...
12:28 -> 165 Okay, I did do this check a bit early but since I'm still playing with numbers I check a bit too often sometimes. But the increase from the morning, and only 40 points seems to be a very good sign to me. Those are almost normal numbers. I took my vitamins at 3:00 with 3c worth of peanuts. At 6:45 I had a slice of grapefruit 3c.
9:56 -> 104 Hurrah! 9.5 hours after my last check I'm at 104, that should help out my next A1C. I had an epically delicious but very simple dinner: Greek salad with dandelion greens and a full avocado 30c, turkey chili (w/black lentils, peas, mung beans, tomato sauce and a bit of baker's chocolate) 165c, tortilla chips 24c, apple 20c = 239c.
10:20 -> Took 4 units.
12:27 -> 97 Yay!!! :) This is so close to perfect. I'm going to have the smallest little snack before bed, a half cup of milk 6c, but otherwise it's 5 units of Lantus and then sleep.
Total Insulin: 11 units
Total Carbs: 380
I wonder if there will come a time when I "get the hang of" diabetes. I mean, in some ways I feel like I'm already there, but I'm probably not. I remember back when I first arrived in NYC. I wanted to get my bearings so in the first few weeks I made a point of going all over the island and walking around until I had a pretty decent familiarity with the neighborhoods and could rattle off which subways went where. I had tried a few of the "best" pizza places, had made mental notes of where certain museums or concert halls or bars were. I could convince actual tourists that I was a native, but when people asked me where I was from I didn't hesitate in answering California. Now that I'm over a year in I modify my answer. "I'm from California," I'll tell them, "but I've been in New York for over a year." I see their disapproval partially fade away. I'd say right now the same is true of my disease. I know how to get to my apartment, but once I get there I'm not "home." Savvy?
Day 27
I would consider today's numbers a great success. What I'm starting to see is stability between meals which suggests that the amount of slow release insulin in the form of a Lantus SoloStar pen is the right dose. Also, the 60:1 ratio seems to be very close to exact, especially when you consider many of my measurements are close approximations. The only thing that was unusual about today is my lack of activity. I had only one show in which I was "Crow" track, the slowest of the 4 tracks. I sandwiched work with very little activity.
pbpk: 180.4
9:53 -> 118 I did indeed wake up at this ungodly hour. Every since I got diagnosed with diabetes I seem to be forced into waking up before 11. Nowhere on the support groups do they list this under symptoms. The shakes, and sweats, and paranoia I can deal with, but waking up before the sun has reached it's high point seems cruel. Anyway, I had cereal 135c with 2 units of Novolog, and since that's 15c over my 60:1 ratio I might have been able to predict an increase of...
12:28 -> 165 Okay, I did do this check a bit early but since I'm still playing with numbers I check a bit too often sometimes. But the increase from the morning, and only 40 points seems to be a very good sign to me. Those are almost normal numbers. I took my vitamins at 3:00 with 3c worth of peanuts. At 6:45 I had a slice of grapefruit 3c.
9:56 -> 104 Hurrah! 9.5 hours after my last check I'm at 104, that should help out my next A1C. I had an epically delicious but very simple dinner: Greek salad with dandelion greens and a full avocado 30c, turkey chili (w/black lentils, peas, mung beans, tomato sauce and a bit of baker's chocolate) 165c, tortilla chips 24c, apple 20c = 239c.
10:20 -> Took 4 units.
12:27 -> 97 Yay!!! :) This is so close to perfect. I'm going to have the smallest little snack before bed, a half cup of milk 6c, but otherwise it's 5 units of Lantus and then sleep.
Total Insulin: 11 units
Total Carbs: 380
I wonder if there will come a time when I "get the hang of" diabetes. I mean, in some ways I feel like I'm already there, but I'm probably not. I remember back when I first arrived in NYC. I wanted to get my bearings so in the first few weeks I made a point of going all over the island and walking around until I had a pretty decent familiarity with the neighborhoods and could rattle off which subways went where. I had tried a few of the "best" pizza places, had made mental notes of where certain museums or concert halls or bars were. I could convince actual tourists that I was a native, but when people asked me where I was from I didn't hesitate in answering California. Now that I'm over a year in I modify my answer. "I'm from California," I'll tell them, "but I've been in New York for over a year." I see their disapproval partially fade away. I'd say right now the same is true of my disease. I know how to get to my apartment, but once I get there I'm not "home." Savvy?
Day 27
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Less Insulin
At what point am I supposed to stop making a big deal out of this? Everything, even eventful things have a time limit attached to them. You got a new job - great, for a week. Just had a baby? I'll look at cute pictures for a month. Joining the Peace Corp and traveling through Colombia? I'll facebook stalk you for a year. But all of these things, at a certain point, seem redundant. Bring them up too often in conversation and you become a bore.
I went to dinner tonight with Cat and friends. There were extenuating circumstances, we started a half hour late and I was supposed to be back by 7:00 for fight call - but during the dinner I think there was nothing that I contributed. I sat in my little corner, checking the clock and madly scribbling down pencil scratch from my little ledger. Bemoaning the substitution of fresh carrots and celery for homemade buttermilk biscuits with strawberry jam and cornbread stuffing, when the food finally did arrive everybody digs in while I rummage through my man purse for a needle and pen, inject myself and then eat like a dog, carbs first then protein. I'm going to start losing friends.
Although...
I may start making friends too. Now that I think about it, now that I've shaken the experience of tonight's dinner I'm reminded of some other events. Like how I was accosted at work today by one of the single female company members who said she had made a special detour on her way to work today to pop into a famous cupcake shop and inquire as to their gluten free selection. Then there was the woman who took me to her favorite gluten free grocery store. And now (prompted by an email initiated by me) another woman who has previously expressed interest in me will likely respond flirtatiously with the promise of a gluten free date. That last event is pure conjecture.
In the words of a diabetic alter ego to Katy Perry: "you're high then you're low, hyper then hypo, stick your finger and shout, inject pull it out." Which I take to mean, this disease will change me. And more than that, it will change how my friends perceive me. Already there are positive reactions: awe - at how I've rebounded, admiration - at my positivity, compassion - especially from certain maternal types. But then there are negative reactions as well: distance - because I'm not "normal" anymore, pity - because I'm always "left out" when it comes to certain food based social activities.
For the numerically inclined:
11:54 -> 148 Look at that! The number snuck down a little in the night. Well, because I only had 7 units of Lantus last night I'll try adjusting the carb to insulin ratio to about 50:1. Had cereal 125c, pb&j 35c = 160 carbs with 3 units of Novolog.
1:54 -> 99 Had a small apple 20c with OsCal (calcium), B12, B50, D and green tea.
3:30 -> Small handful of almonds and a protein shake.
5:28 -> 105 Had raw celery and carrots 18c, salad 6c, roast veg 30c, mashed potatoes 40c, a banana 27c = 117c with 2 units of Novolog. In anticipation of doing Joey I also had a 1/2 grapefruit 16c.
8:53 -> 153 At intermission I had green tea and some peanuts.
1:20 -> 93 I'm still creeping down when I'm not eating, a sign that my basal is still a bit high. Took 5 units of Lantus. Dinner was swiss chard stir fried with turkey, spinach and garlic in a szechuan sauce 10c, corn 32c, and two pieces of lightly jammed toast 30c = 72c and 1 unit of Novolog.
3:20 -> 164 Went up 70 points, which serves me right for having 12c more than I should have based on the ratio that I had established. Tomorrow I'll try to stick exactly to 60:1 all day. But I may run high, because I'm on the smallest dose of basal insulin I've been on since I started taking it. In anticipation of high numbers maybe I'll go to 50:1.
Total Insulin: 13
Total Carbs: 375
So, another day another adventure. No pharmacy nonsense, no early morning doctors, no insurance claims, just a long hard day at work and a well managed day of blood glucose levels. Oh, here's an amateur diabetic anecdote:
The other day after injecting I was trying to unscrew the needle from the pen and back into it's protective plastic case. I was doing this in the dark. I thought the sharp was in the case and so I reached for the pen cap and went to cover it. The needle, however, was not back in its case. And with my nearly constantly trembling fingers I missed putting the pen in the cap and instead pierced my finger with the 8 mm needle. A geyser of blood erupted and I laughed at my own clumsiness. On another occasion I stabbed myself into the folds of my stomach fat with my injection pen before I set the dose forcing me to have to take it out, set the dose, and pierce my stomach fat again.
Diabetes and nonchalance go together like hair spray and fire. These were small mistakes but I pray the lessons sunk in. If this type of absent mindedness had afflicted a different step in my daily diabetes routine I may have injected the wrong type of insulin, or the wrong amount. Kaboom!
Day 26.
I went to dinner tonight with Cat and friends. There were extenuating circumstances, we started a half hour late and I was supposed to be back by 7:00 for fight call - but during the dinner I think there was nothing that I contributed. I sat in my little corner, checking the clock and madly scribbling down pencil scratch from my little ledger. Bemoaning the substitution of fresh carrots and celery for homemade buttermilk biscuits with strawberry jam and cornbread stuffing, when the food finally did arrive everybody digs in while I rummage through my man purse for a needle and pen, inject myself and then eat like a dog, carbs first then protein. I'm going to start losing friends.
Although...
I may start making friends too. Now that I think about it, now that I've shaken the experience of tonight's dinner I'm reminded of some other events. Like how I was accosted at work today by one of the single female company members who said she had made a special detour on her way to work today to pop into a famous cupcake shop and inquire as to their gluten free selection. Then there was the woman who took me to her favorite gluten free grocery store. And now (prompted by an email initiated by me) another woman who has previously expressed interest in me will likely respond flirtatiously with the promise of a gluten free date. That last event is pure conjecture.
In the words of a diabetic alter ego to Katy Perry: "you're high then you're low, hyper then hypo, stick your finger and shout, inject pull it out." Which I take to mean, this disease will change me. And more than that, it will change how my friends perceive me. Already there are positive reactions: awe - at how I've rebounded, admiration - at my positivity, compassion - especially from certain maternal types. But then there are negative reactions as well: distance - because I'm not "normal" anymore, pity - because I'm always "left out" when it comes to certain food based social activities.
For the numerically inclined:
11:54 -> 148 Look at that! The number snuck down a little in the night. Well, because I only had 7 units of Lantus last night I'll try adjusting the carb to insulin ratio to about 50:1. Had cereal 125c, pb&j 35c = 160 carbs with 3 units of Novolog.
1:54 -> 99 Had a small apple 20c with OsCal (calcium), B12, B50, D and green tea.
3:30 -> Small handful of almonds and a protein shake.
5:28 -> 105 Had raw celery and carrots 18c, salad 6c, roast veg 30c, mashed potatoes 40c, a banana 27c = 117c with 2 units of Novolog. In anticipation of doing Joey I also had a 1/2 grapefruit 16c.
8:53 -> 153 At intermission I had green tea and some peanuts.
1:20 -> 93 I'm still creeping down when I'm not eating, a sign that my basal is still a bit high. Took 5 units of Lantus. Dinner was swiss chard stir fried with turkey, spinach and garlic in a szechuan sauce 10c, corn 32c, and two pieces of lightly jammed toast 30c = 72c and 1 unit of Novolog.
3:20 -> 164 Went up 70 points, which serves me right for having 12c more than I should have based on the ratio that I had established. Tomorrow I'll try to stick exactly to 60:1 all day. But I may run high, because I'm on the smallest dose of basal insulin I've been on since I started taking it. In anticipation of high numbers maybe I'll go to 50:1.
Total Insulin: 13
Total Carbs: 375
So, another day another adventure. No pharmacy nonsense, no early morning doctors, no insurance claims, just a long hard day at work and a well managed day of blood glucose levels. Oh, here's an amateur diabetic anecdote:
The other day after injecting I was trying to unscrew the needle from the pen and back into it's protective plastic case. I was doing this in the dark. I thought the sharp was in the case and so I reached for the pen cap and went to cover it. The needle, however, was not back in its case. And with my nearly constantly trembling fingers I missed putting the pen in the cap and instead pierced my finger with the 8 mm needle. A geyser of blood erupted and I laughed at my own clumsiness. On another occasion I stabbed myself into the folds of my stomach fat with my injection pen before I set the dose forcing me to have to take it out, set the dose, and pierce my stomach fat again.
Diabetes and nonchalance go together like hair spray and fire. These were small mistakes but I pray the lessons sunk in. If this type of absent mindedness had afflicted a different step in my daily diabetes routine I may have injected the wrong type of insulin, or the wrong amount. Kaboom!
Day 26.
First "Joey"
Friday the 13th, and I had my first every performance in front of an audience as the title character in the Broadway show War Horse. I wonder how that bodes for the rest of my year? This particular performance was very well received. Having done a year of Topthorn the differences between the two horses stand out. Every time we come on stage 2000 eyes follow us. It's similar in a way to the connection I used to feel when I first entered in Walking with Dinosaurs as Lilliensternus, except, I can't hide behind anything in the horse. They're looking at the puppet, but they're also looking at me.
#s
pbpk 178.6
10:18 -> 206 I took 2 units of insulin with 130 carb cereal. Also had a calcium/magnesium pill.
12:02 -> 121 Wow, good, but I feel light
1:30 -> Ate a Lara bar 24c with a B50 and B12.
5:02 ->128 Had a banana 27c, pea soup 48c, sugar peas 12c, apple 20c, TJ salad 53c and herring = 153c. Took 2 units of Novolog.
7:49 -> 159 Good!
12:29 -> 103 Still good, but creeping down a sign that my basal is too high. Had 2 sweet potatoes 46c, steak, swiss chard with onions, garlic, feta and pepper 30c, grapefruit 26c and a banana 27c = 129c = 2 units Novolog. Also took 7 units of Lantus
2:53 -> 192 Okay, so I finished the day a little high. But that's not too bad. I wonder how I'll wake up, other than a bit sore.
Day 25
#s
pbpk 178.6
10:18 -> 206 I took 2 units of insulin with 130 carb cereal. Also had a calcium/magnesium pill.
12:02 -> 121 Wow, good, but I feel light
1:30 -> Ate a Lara bar 24c with a B50 and B12.
5:02 ->128 Had a banana 27c, pea soup 48c, sugar peas 12c, apple 20c, TJ salad 53c and herring = 153c. Took 2 units of Novolog.
7:49 -> 159 Good!
12:29 -> 103 Still good, but creeping down a sign that my basal is too high. Had 2 sweet potatoes 46c, steak, swiss chard with onions, garlic, feta and pepper 30c, grapefruit 26c and a banana 27c = 129c = 2 units Novolog. Also took 7 units of Lantus
2:53 -> 192 Okay, so I finished the day a little high. But that's not too bad. I wonder how I'll wake up, other than a bit sore.
Day 25
Friday, January 13, 2012
Gluten Free
This will have to be a "to be continued" post.
But let's just say for now that my doctor's appointment was eye-opening. The doc put me on a gluten free diet supplemented with LOTS of vitamins. She warned me that it might affect my numbers and already it has. I had a 40:1 carb to insulin ratio at lunch and STILL bottomed out. For dinner I did 75:1 and DOUBLE bottomed out!! I've also gone down to 10 units of Lantus.
If tomorrow is the same I'll probably call the doctor and switch to 8 units Lantus. But the day was long, and tomorrow promises to be no different so now I absolutely have to get some sleep.
Exciting times!
Here are some numbers. Bear with me, there are a lot of them.
pbpk 179.6
9:58 -> 121 Cereal and pb&j, 150c with 5 units.
1:06 -> 101 Lara pecan 24c, water, vitamin D, Vitamin B50, injection of B12.
3:39 -> Apple 22c, Water, Protein Shake 5c
5:30 -> 80 Salad w/ turkey 15c, banana 27c, pea soup 48c, 20c raspberries, 14c avocado. 124c total with 3 units of insulin.
7:15 -> 59 Way low!! Had 12c candy and Ghiradelli Caramel square 9c and then another banana 27c (total 48c).
7:39 -> 67 Started rising, but still had 11oz blueberries 44c.
9:48 -> 203 Good. Had 92 carbs after dinner and only went up to 203.
11:27 -> 89 Mashed potatoes 27c, creamed spinach 20c, salad 10c, tomato salad 18c, 11oz salmon, 1 unit Novolog & 10 units Lantus.
12:31 -> 56 What the hell? Had 6 oz orange juice 19c. Felt symptoms while talking to Hunter and ignored them because it seemed too soon. Also the OJ will have to cut through the salmon. Had another 6oz of orange juice at 12:40 - 19c.
12:42 -> 70 At least I'm on the rise.
1:21 -> 62 Ugh! Low again. Had two rolls of smarties 12c.
2:02 -> 73 At least I'm climbing, but that's three lows in one day! Not good. Will try to stay high again tomorrow. To avoid going to sleep too low (especially with the new vitamins) I had 8 oz milk 12c, chips 18c with salsa 10c and a Lara Bar 24c.
2:34 -> 117 Good! :) Took half a serving of CalM (calcium and magnesium supplement).
3:46 -> 164 Shame on me for still being awake, but with so many lows I really just didn't want to risk anything. My fingers hurt though. That's a LOT of pricks in one day, 13 if I counted correctly. But worth the expense and the pain for the knowledge I got. Plus, everything I ate from 11:30 onward, a total of 177 carbs was offset by a single unit of insulin. The vitamins are obviously working.
True I had two 10 out of 12 hour tech days at work, and true, I get about 5 hours of sleep per night these days, and true I have been having a lot of lows... but - In a matter of a few weeks I've gone from 30 units of insulin per day to 20 units per day, and that number is just getting lower.
Day 24
But let's just say for now that my doctor's appointment was eye-opening. The doc put me on a gluten free diet supplemented with LOTS of vitamins. She warned me that it might affect my numbers and already it has. I had a 40:1 carb to insulin ratio at lunch and STILL bottomed out. For dinner I did 75:1 and DOUBLE bottomed out!! I've also gone down to 10 units of Lantus.
If tomorrow is the same I'll probably call the doctor and switch to 8 units Lantus. But the day was long, and tomorrow promises to be no different so now I absolutely have to get some sleep.
Exciting times!
Here are some numbers. Bear with me, there are a lot of them.
pbpk 179.6
9:58 -> 121 Cereal and pb&j, 150c with 5 units.
1:06 -> 101 Lara pecan 24c, water, vitamin D, Vitamin B50, injection of B12.
3:39 -> Apple 22c, Water, Protein Shake 5c
5:30 -> 80 Salad w/ turkey 15c, banana 27c, pea soup 48c, 20c raspberries, 14c avocado. 124c total with 3 units of insulin.
7:15 -> 59 Way low!! Had 12c candy and Ghiradelli Caramel square 9c and then another banana 27c (total 48c).
7:39 -> 67 Started rising, but still had 11oz blueberries 44c.
9:48 -> 203 Good. Had 92 carbs after dinner and only went up to 203.
11:27 -> 89 Mashed potatoes 27c, creamed spinach 20c, salad 10c, tomato salad 18c, 11oz salmon, 1 unit Novolog & 10 units Lantus.
12:31 -> 56 What the hell? Had 6 oz orange juice 19c. Felt symptoms while talking to Hunter and ignored them because it seemed too soon. Also the OJ will have to cut through the salmon. Had another 6oz of orange juice at 12:40 - 19c.
12:42 -> 70 At least I'm on the rise.
1:21 -> 62 Ugh! Low again. Had two rolls of smarties 12c.
2:02 -> 73 At least I'm climbing, but that's three lows in one day! Not good. Will try to stay high again tomorrow. To avoid going to sleep too low (especially with the new vitamins) I had 8 oz milk 12c, chips 18c with salsa 10c and a Lara Bar 24c.
2:34 -> 117 Good! :) Took half a serving of CalM (calcium and magnesium supplement).
3:46 -> 164 Shame on me for still being awake, but with so many lows I really just didn't want to risk anything. My fingers hurt though. That's a LOT of pricks in one day, 13 if I counted correctly. But worth the expense and the pain for the knowledge I got. Plus, everything I ate from 11:30 onward, a total of 177 carbs was offset by a single unit of insulin. The vitamins are obviously working.
True I had two 10 out of 12 hour tech days at work, and true, I get about 5 hours of sleep per night these days, and true I have been having a lot of lows... but - In a matter of a few weeks I've gone from 30 units of insulin per day to 20 units per day, and that number is just getting lower.
Day 24
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
January 11, 2012
I have to admit there is something nice about waking up earlier than usual, especially when you're doing something worthwhile, like going to your second appointment with your Diabetic Nurse Counselor. What isn't quite as nice is getting there and seeing the shocked look on her face which tells you before she does that you idiotically wrote down the right day and time but the wrong date. I was a week early. Good thing she was in her office.
We chatted for a bit. She looked over my numbers and advised me to go down to 11 units of basal insulin with the goal being that my blood glucose stays the same during fasting. She did this knowing that there would probably be a trade off. My morning numbers will probably be higher, but hopefully I'll avoid post-meal lows. It will also almost certainly adjust the carb:insulin ratio I've been using, but that's not an exact science to begin with so I'll just have to keep working on my patience and flexibility and have confidence that the numbers will begin to take care of themselves.
Numbers... did somebody say numbers?
pbpk: 180.2
9:16 -> 130 Taken when I woke up. At 9:30 I took 4 units of Novolog with cereal 105c and an apple 20c.
11:08 -> 135 Took the test early because I was at the Nurse's office. At 1:00 I had a 1/2 pb&j 21c, green tea and a multivitamin. At 2:00 I had a Lara bar 30c. And at 4:00 I had another half pb&j 21c.
5:07 -> 189 Took 4 units of Novolog with Turkey Chili 50c, tabouli 32c, 6 oz of raspberries 20c, and a cup of sugar snap peas 12c.
7:02 -> 51 Where the hell did this number come from? I had a cookie 20c and a packet of pez (gross) 9c.
7:33 -> 83 Good, I'm rising but not too high. Had half a clif bar 15c.
8:58 -> 110 Two hours after my low and I've adjusted perfectly. I only tested here because it was somebody's birthday and there was cake. But I decided the annoyance of having to figure out sizes and then deal with being high until I could adjust at my next meal was too great. I opted instead for the other half of my clif bar 16c.
12:08 -> 134 Took 11 units of Lantus (that's a decrease) and 3 units of Novolog with a dinner of 10 oz steak, 2 sweet potatoes 50c, greek salad with avocado and without cucumbers 28c and an apple 21c.
2:26 -> 111 Done! I'm going to bed, and with some luck I'll be under 140 tomorrow morning.
Total Insulin: 24 units (the 11 unit Lantus counts towards tomorrow)
Total Carbs: 470
Ratio: 19.6:1
I also finished reading the book on Diabetes today. In it was lots of useful but easily accessible information about what sort of lifestyle encounters the fewest complications (diet, exercise, positivity). But there was also a wealth of information on supplements, what to take in what dose and for what reason. They even claimed that there is some clinical evidence, albeit not overwhelming, that certain strict vitamin supplement therapies have caused type 1 Diabetes to go into remission. I asked my nurse and she had the decency not to laugh in my face but seemed dismissive. I'll ask the endocrinologist tomorrow. She seems more the type to consider me an individual rather than a statistic. In the interim I've started drinking two strong cups of unsweetened green tea per day and have also added a multivitamin to my daily routine.
It can't hurt, right?
And as a brief and hopefully unrelated side note, the once modified sensation of feeling that has afflicted me left quad for almost two years seems to have moved, spread and intensified. It is now numb on the surface but sore underneath.
Oh, and as for the "fittest" part of this blog. I'm now doing probably around 150 push-ups per day, about 50 pullups, and some exercises that are supposed to give me the curved buttocks I've always wanted.
Day 23
We chatted for a bit. She looked over my numbers and advised me to go down to 11 units of basal insulin with the goal being that my blood glucose stays the same during fasting. She did this knowing that there would probably be a trade off. My morning numbers will probably be higher, but hopefully I'll avoid post-meal lows. It will also almost certainly adjust the carb:insulin ratio I've been using, but that's not an exact science to begin with so I'll just have to keep working on my patience and flexibility and have confidence that the numbers will begin to take care of themselves.
Numbers... did somebody say numbers?
pbpk: 180.2
9:16 -> 130 Taken when I woke up. At 9:30 I took 4 units of Novolog with cereal 105c and an apple 20c.
11:08 -> 135 Took the test early because I was at the Nurse's office. At 1:00 I had a 1/2 pb&j 21c, green tea and a multivitamin. At 2:00 I had a Lara bar 30c. And at 4:00 I had another half pb&j 21c.
5:07 -> 189 Took 4 units of Novolog with Turkey Chili 50c, tabouli 32c, 6 oz of raspberries 20c, and a cup of sugar snap peas 12c.
7:02 -> 51 Where the hell did this number come from? I had a cookie 20c and a packet of pez (gross) 9c.
7:33 -> 83 Good, I'm rising but not too high. Had half a clif bar 15c.
8:58 -> 110 Two hours after my low and I've adjusted perfectly. I only tested here because it was somebody's birthday and there was cake. But I decided the annoyance of having to figure out sizes and then deal with being high until I could adjust at my next meal was too great. I opted instead for the other half of my clif bar 16c.
12:08 -> 134 Took 11 units of Lantus (that's a decrease) and 3 units of Novolog with a dinner of 10 oz steak, 2 sweet potatoes 50c, greek salad with avocado and without cucumbers 28c and an apple 21c.
2:26 -> 111 Done! I'm going to bed, and with some luck I'll be under 140 tomorrow morning.
Total Insulin: 24 units (the 11 unit Lantus counts towards tomorrow)
Total Carbs: 470
Ratio: 19.6:1
I also finished reading the book on Diabetes today. In it was lots of useful but easily accessible information about what sort of lifestyle encounters the fewest complications (diet, exercise, positivity). But there was also a wealth of information on supplements, what to take in what dose and for what reason. They even claimed that there is some clinical evidence, albeit not overwhelming, that certain strict vitamin supplement therapies have caused type 1 Diabetes to go into remission. I asked my nurse and she had the decency not to laugh in my face but seemed dismissive. I'll ask the endocrinologist tomorrow. She seems more the type to consider me an individual rather than a statistic. In the interim I've started drinking two strong cups of unsweetened green tea per day and have also added a multivitamin to my daily routine.
It can't hurt, right?
And as a brief and hopefully unrelated side note, the once modified sensation of feeling that has afflicted me left quad for almost two years seems to have moved, spread and intensified. It is now numb on the surface but sore underneath.
Oh, and as for the "fittest" part of this blog. I'm now doing probably around 150 push-ups per day, about 50 pullups, and some exercises that are supposed to give me the curved buttocks I've always wanted.
Day 23
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The Cost of Diabetes: Money
Diabetically speaking today wasn't too bad. Sure there was a mix up at the pharmacy which made me have to get on the phone with my insurance company a few times before finally getting a refill on my test strips, but when I did the test strips were fully covered by insurance. My numbers never got too crazy. I had two short bouts with mild hypoglycemia but they were pretty quickly rectified. Tomorrow I see the nurse again (and tell her that her 20:1 just about killed me). Thursday I see Dr. Thys again who has very graciously offered me a discounted visit price of $450 (down from $650). And sometime before Friday my man purse should arrive by post.
Ns
pbpk: 178
11:23 -> 154 Took 5 units of Novolog and had my normal cereal and a pb&j a total of 152c. Then at 3:00 I had a clif bar 31c.
5:25 -> 189 Took 4 units of Novolog with dinner of chicken and veg with quinoa and sweet potatoes, a total of 90c. At 7:50 I had half a cookie at 9c.
8:21 -> 71 After this reading I finished the cookie 9c, had a Lara bar 30c and had some milk 11c.
12:05 -> 110 Took 5 units of Novolog and 13 units of Lantus and had dinner of 3 stalks of celery 6c, Lentils and Beans 110c, brussel sprouts and onions 30c and a greek salad with avocado 30c for a total of 176.
1:50 -> 74 Not too low, but it felt like it was falling. I had 4 oz of milk at 5c and then an apple 22c.
3:09 -> 139 Good news is I'm not low. Bad news is all the carbs I ate for dinner add up to 203 and I only took 5 units of insulin which means at a ratio of about 30:1 which I've been using I'll be 50 carbs over or probably a full 100 points higher than I started at 110. So, prediction for tomorrow morning's test: 210. Let's hope I'm wrong.
Total Insulin: 27 units
Total Carbs: 535
Ratio: 19.8
Also today I began reading a book that T. Ryder Smith very graciously gifted to me. It's all about diabetes, how to prevent, how to manage and even a few suggestions on ways that have in some instances caused diabetes to go into remission. I'm not one to get my hopes up over such things. But I'm also not one to sit on the sidelines when there's a possibility that something can be done. I'll talk to the doctor about it on Thursday, and may mention it to the nurse (although I have the feeling she'll poopoo the idea). Either way, I'll likely make a visit to the pharmacy for some over the counter vitamin and mineral supplements.
Where there's life there's hope.
Day 22
Ns
pbpk: 178
11:23 -> 154 Took 5 units of Novolog and had my normal cereal and a pb&j a total of 152c. Then at 3:00 I had a clif bar 31c.
5:25 -> 189 Took 4 units of Novolog with dinner of chicken and veg with quinoa and sweet potatoes, a total of 90c. At 7:50 I had half a cookie at 9c.
8:21 -> 71 After this reading I finished the cookie 9c, had a Lara bar 30c and had some milk 11c.
12:05 -> 110 Took 5 units of Novolog and 13 units of Lantus and had dinner of 3 stalks of celery 6c, Lentils and Beans 110c, brussel sprouts and onions 30c and a greek salad with avocado 30c for a total of 176.
1:50 -> 74 Not too low, but it felt like it was falling. I had 4 oz of milk at 5c and then an apple 22c.
3:09 -> 139 Good news is I'm not low. Bad news is all the carbs I ate for dinner add up to 203 and I only took 5 units of insulin which means at a ratio of about 30:1 which I've been using I'll be 50 carbs over or probably a full 100 points higher than I started at 110. So, prediction for tomorrow morning's test: 210. Let's hope I'm wrong.
Total Insulin: 27 units
Total Carbs: 535
Ratio: 19.8
Also today I began reading a book that T. Ryder Smith very graciously gifted to me. It's all about diabetes, how to prevent, how to manage and even a few suggestions on ways that have in some instances caused diabetes to go into remission. I'm not one to get my hopes up over such things. But I'm also not one to sit on the sidelines when there's a possibility that something can be done. I'll talk to the doctor about it on Thursday, and may mention it to the nurse (although I have the feeling she'll poopoo the idea). Either way, I'll likely make a visit to the pharmacy for some over the counter vitamin and mineral supplements.
Where there's life there's hope.
Day 22
Monday, January 9, 2012
The Good, The Bad, and The Annoying
...and on the 7th day G.I. Jon rested for he was tired.
I no longer have the luxury of doing nothing on Mondays, but they're still the most relaxing day of the week for me. Today was no exception. I woke up wishing I could sleep longer, but that no longer phases me as it once did.
[Remember when you were young and the worst thing in the world was waking up before you wanted to? Those feelings continued through high school and even college. In fact I seem to remember just months ago not enjoying that sensation at all. But now...? Nothing. I feel nothing. The finger pricks? Nothing. Injections? Nothing. Cold showers? Nothing. Waking up early... are you kidding me? Nothing.]
I made my standard breakfast and then went to my first engagement - a massage. Russ may be the most talented masseuse in NYC. He's worked on everybody from Twyla Tharpe to Roger Federer and loads of people in between. Strong hands matched with an intuitive sense of your body make for a perfect 75 minute session every time. He was part of the reason I resigned for War Horse's second year. But the massage was sandwiched by annoyances. First, the CO department of revenue thinks I owe them a huge sum of money for a year when I wasn't a resident. Second, when I went to refill my prescription of bg test strips they told me I wasn't due for a refill yet. Turns out I was only "supposed" to test 4 times a day, but with being a newbie and occasionally getting errors or having to test due to symptoms of hypoglycemia I've been testing more like 7 times a day. This took almost an hour on the phone after which the woman on the other end (a self-admitted diabetic) took pity on me and over rode the system allowing me this one time to refill early. Later when Doc Karen Thorton called I explained the situation and she approved an increase.
Other necessary errands included doing a laundry, shopping for food, going to the bank, and checking out the J Crew sale. I ended up with three new solid colored heavy weight t shirts and a beige corded sweater, similar to those made on the Aran Islands.
In the evening I made contact with Bill Lash. I know our relationship will have further to go but our first talk felt so natural it comes as no surprise to me why he's my father's oldest and closest friends. I look forward to getting to know him better and even hope to learn a bit more about my dad from him. And not just tales of yore, but the type of man my father is seen to be by somebody close to him who's known him for a long time and who loves him. My dad doesn't have tons of guy friends, but then there are different tiers of friends. And I think the bond between my dad and Bill has reached the furthest level, a rare thing. I hope to learn from it.
By the way, it has occurred to me that not everybody knows what are good numbers or bad numbers so here's a quick explanation.
"Healthy" range for a person without diabetes is considered between about 80-120.
Diabetics are usually allowed a slightly more flexible range of 70-150 being considered ok.
Below 70 is hypoglycemia
Above 150 is hyperglycemia
150-300 has been described to me as being unavoidable on occasion especially during times of extreme stress, illness or something else that would alter the normal bodily response to insulin or glucose.
Any number that I include that has a c after it stands for carbohydrate.
Novolog is my fast acting insulin, Lantus is my slow acting insulin.
So Today's:
pbpk: 177.4
11:39 -> 144 Had 5 units Novolog with my normal cereal 105c and a pb&j 42c.
2:38 -> 97 Despite a ratio of 30:1 I dropped almost 50 points. I had a medium apple 15c to knock myself back up. I also had a few samples of cheese at the store.
6:09 -> 154 This is a big jump for just an apple, makes me think I may still had a few breakfast carbs at my 2:38 check.
6:40 -> Had 4 units of Novolog with quinoa and curried eggplant 86c, a salad w/avocado 34c and three chicken drumsticks.
9:56 -> 148 Nice!
12:15 -> 147 Had no reason to check other than I was about to eat, I guess I should have saved the test strip. Took 5 units with brussel sprouts 17c with onions 12c, Lentils and beans 110c, and a few stalks of celery 4c.
12:50 -> 13 units of Lantus
3:23 -> 94 Went down again despite going 30:1, a drop of over 50 points again. I had an 8c 6 oz glass of whole milk and then went to bed.
Total Insulin: 27 units
Total Carbs: 434
Ratio: 16:1
Day 21 (week 3)
I no longer have the luxury of doing nothing on Mondays, but they're still the most relaxing day of the week for me. Today was no exception. I woke up wishing I could sleep longer, but that no longer phases me as it once did.
[Remember when you were young and the worst thing in the world was waking up before you wanted to? Those feelings continued through high school and even college. In fact I seem to remember just months ago not enjoying that sensation at all. But now...? Nothing. I feel nothing. The finger pricks? Nothing. Injections? Nothing. Cold showers? Nothing. Waking up early... are you kidding me? Nothing.]
I made my standard breakfast and then went to my first engagement - a massage. Russ may be the most talented masseuse in NYC. He's worked on everybody from Twyla Tharpe to Roger Federer and loads of people in between. Strong hands matched with an intuitive sense of your body make for a perfect 75 minute session every time. He was part of the reason I resigned for War Horse's second year. But the massage was sandwiched by annoyances. First, the CO department of revenue thinks I owe them a huge sum of money for a year when I wasn't a resident. Second, when I went to refill my prescription of bg test strips they told me I wasn't due for a refill yet. Turns out I was only "supposed" to test 4 times a day, but with being a newbie and occasionally getting errors or having to test due to symptoms of hypoglycemia I've been testing more like 7 times a day. This took almost an hour on the phone after which the woman on the other end (a self-admitted diabetic) took pity on me and over rode the system allowing me this one time to refill early. Later when Doc Karen Thorton called I explained the situation and she approved an increase.
Other necessary errands included doing a laundry, shopping for food, going to the bank, and checking out the J Crew sale. I ended up with three new solid colored heavy weight t shirts and a beige corded sweater, similar to those made on the Aran Islands.
In the evening I made contact with Bill Lash. I know our relationship will have further to go but our first talk felt so natural it comes as no surprise to me why he's my father's oldest and closest friends. I look forward to getting to know him better and even hope to learn a bit more about my dad from him. And not just tales of yore, but the type of man my father is seen to be by somebody close to him who's known him for a long time and who loves him. My dad doesn't have tons of guy friends, but then there are different tiers of friends. And I think the bond between my dad and Bill has reached the furthest level, a rare thing. I hope to learn from it.
By the way, it has occurred to me that not everybody knows what are good numbers or bad numbers so here's a quick explanation.
"Healthy" range for a person without diabetes is considered between about 80-120.
Diabetics are usually allowed a slightly more flexible range of 70-150 being considered ok.
Below 70 is hypoglycemia
Above 150 is hyperglycemia
150-300 has been described to me as being unavoidable on occasion especially during times of extreme stress, illness or something else that would alter the normal bodily response to insulin or glucose.
Any number that I include that has a c after it stands for carbohydrate.
Novolog is my fast acting insulin, Lantus is my slow acting insulin.
So Today's:
pbpk: 177.4
11:39 -> 144 Had 5 units Novolog with my normal cereal 105c and a pb&j 42c.
2:38 -> 97 Despite a ratio of 30:1 I dropped almost 50 points. I had a medium apple 15c to knock myself back up. I also had a few samples of cheese at the store.
6:09 -> 154 This is a big jump for just an apple, makes me think I may still had a few breakfast carbs at my 2:38 check.
6:40 -> Had 4 units of Novolog with quinoa and curried eggplant 86c, a salad w/avocado 34c and three chicken drumsticks.
9:56 -> 148 Nice!
12:15 -> 147 Had no reason to check other than I was about to eat, I guess I should have saved the test strip. Took 5 units with brussel sprouts 17c with onions 12c, Lentils and beans 110c, and a few stalks of celery 4c.
12:50 -> 13 units of Lantus
3:23 -> 94 Went down again despite going 30:1, a drop of over 50 points again. I had an 8c 6 oz glass of whole milk and then went to bed.
Total Insulin: 27 units
Total Carbs: 434
Ratio: 16:1
Day 21 (week 3)
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Farewell Original Cast of War Horse
I only got 6 hours of sleep last night but it was deep and solid and I woke feeling as well as can be expected. I very quickly threw on deodorant, jeans and an undershirt and then went about mixing and matching shirts with ties and jackets until I found a combination that felt right - blue jeans, powder blue shirt, navy windowpane jacket, with a leander club "pink hippo" neck tie. Allen Edmonds would carry my weight, and Calvin Klein would keep me warm. I was dressed like an assassin, or as many of my friends pointed out later when I saw them, I looked like I went to Andover.
The reason behind the outfit, was that today was the final performance of the original company of War Horse. An event so monumental can never be justly revered by a mere cocktail party. It takes tears, and drinking, and dancing and hugs with pats on the back, and sweaty hugs with inebriated swaying, and promises of seeing each other again. It was a grand time. I'll miss everybody, but already I'm in talks with several of the company members about future activities. Russian bath house and working out with Seth, BBQ in Williamsburg and working out with Ian, making a movie and working out with Peter... you get the picture.
I have close friends on both sides of the fence now and I stop and wonder whether I made the right choice in staying. A solid paycheck and continued health insurance makes it feel like I did. But then I get into a business conversation with star of Law and Order SVU Mariska Hargitay and suddenly I second guess myself. That a five minute conversation with the right person can so ignite passion and ambition and confidence is proof that one of the chief factors tying me to the show is fear of the unknown - that and prudence. One more year, it's not too long, and then onto new adventures.
Enough chit chat, here's the good stuff:
pbpk: 177.2
12:13 -> 136 Pretty amazing that I hit this number considering all the fat I consumed the night before. Took 4 units of Novolog with my 105c cereal. At 2:00 I had a clif bar for 31c, then some chocolate 7c.
3:45 -> 156 At 4:30 I had a pb&j 42c.
6:48 -> 192 The show had finished and now it was time to party, which meant hors d'oeuvres and beer. I knew this would be a challenge so I decided to use my high blood sugar to give myself a buffer. Assuming that 1 unit of insulin = 30c = 50 points of bg then I assumed I could comfortably eat 100 carbs and take 4 units of insulin and still be fine. I started eating the food going around and had the following: 2 mac&cheese balls, 4 mini crab cakes, 3 sliders, 3 toast w/ goat cheese and beets, 5 mini short ribs on polenta, 3 corona beers and a shrimp. I figured the bread on the sliders added up to about 40c with the mac and cheese about 30c, the rest making about 20c. I took 4 units of insulin about 15 minutes after I started eating.
9:25 -> 177 This was a very positive sign for me. It meant I was staying just a tad high which is recommended when you're drinking. But also that I had taken about the right amount of insulin for what i ate.
11:09 -> 161 I tested because we were planning on eating again. I ordered a kale salad with added avocado and shrimp. At first I thought I would forgo insulin altogether, but then I tasted the salad which had dressing and some grapes, and was offered a quarter of a burger which I took, and inundated with fries and decided to figure out another dose. Burger 10c, salad 15c, fries 40c. So that's a total of 65 which equates to just over 2 units, plus I wanted to bring down the number a tad so I took 3 units.
12:20 -> Took 13 units of Lantus.
2:37 -> 101 Look at that. Had a shot of Fernet Branca and danced for a bit and this is the number 4 hours later. I don't expect a dramatic change over the night but I had 20c worth of chips and hummus to make sure I stay level through the night!
Total Insulin: 24 Units
Total Carbs: 360
Ratio: 15:1
Tomorrow is my day off. I think I'll shop the J Crew sale, get a massage, do a laundry, see a movie and maybe start knocking some things off my HUGE AND INTIMIDATING "TO DO" list. I have a good deal of catching up to do. As I've said before, Diabetes is time consuming. But with the continued support of family and friends it will be a breeze.
Day 20
The reason behind the outfit, was that today was the final performance of the original company of War Horse. An event so monumental can never be justly revered by a mere cocktail party. It takes tears, and drinking, and dancing and hugs with pats on the back, and sweaty hugs with inebriated swaying, and promises of seeing each other again. It was a grand time. I'll miss everybody, but already I'm in talks with several of the company members about future activities. Russian bath house and working out with Seth, BBQ in Williamsburg and working out with Ian, making a movie and working out with Peter... you get the picture.
I have close friends on both sides of the fence now and I stop and wonder whether I made the right choice in staying. A solid paycheck and continued health insurance makes it feel like I did. But then I get into a business conversation with star of Law and Order SVU Mariska Hargitay and suddenly I second guess myself. That a five minute conversation with the right person can so ignite passion and ambition and confidence is proof that one of the chief factors tying me to the show is fear of the unknown - that and prudence. One more year, it's not too long, and then onto new adventures.
Enough chit chat, here's the good stuff:
pbpk: 177.2
12:13 -> 136 Pretty amazing that I hit this number considering all the fat I consumed the night before. Took 4 units of Novolog with my 105c cereal. At 2:00 I had a clif bar for 31c, then some chocolate 7c.
3:45 -> 156 At 4:30 I had a pb&j 42c.
6:48 -> 192 The show had finished and now it was time to party, which meant hors d'oeuvres and beer. I knew this would be a challenge so I decided to use my high blood sugar to give myself a buffer. Assuming that 1 unit of insulin = 30c = 50 points of bg then I assumed I could comfortably eat 100 carbs and take 4 units of insulin and still be fine. I started eating the food going around and had the following: 2 mac&cheese balls, 4 mini crab cakes, 3 sliders, 3 toast w/ goat cheese and beets, 5 mini short ribs on polenta, 3 corona beers and a shrimp. I figured the bread on the sliders added up to about 40c with the mac and cheese about 30c, the rest making about 20c. I took 4 units of insulin about 15 minutes after I started eating.
9:25 -> 177 This was a very positive sign for me. It meant I was staying just a tad high which is recommended when you're drinking. But also that I had taken about the right amount of insulin for what i ate.
11:09 -> 161 I tested because we were planning on eating again. I ordered a kale salad with added avocado and shrimp. At first I thought I would forgo insulin altogether, but then I tasted the salad which had dressing and some grapes, and was offered a quarter of a burger which I took, and inundated with fries and decided to figure out another dose. Burger 10c, salad 15c, fries 40c. So that's a total of 65 which equates to just over 2 units, plus I wanted to bring down the number a tad so I took 3 units.
12:20 -> Took 13 units of Lantus.
2:37 -> 101 Look at that. Had a shot of Fernet Branca and danced for a bit and this is the number 4 hours later. I don't expect a dramatic change over the night but I had 20c worth of chips and hummus to make sure I stay level through the night!
Total Insulin: 24 Units
Total Carbs: 360
Ratio: 15:1
Tomorrow is my day off. I think I'll shop the J Crew sale, get a massage, do a laundry, see a movie and maybe start knocking some things off my HUGE AND INTIMIDATING "TO DO" list. I have a good deal of catching up to do. As I've said before, Diabetes is time consuming. But with the continued support of family and friends it will be a breeze.
Day 20
Serbian Orthodox Christmas
Basically today I took the formulas and ratios the nurse gave me and self-adjusted them to my lifestyle, with relatively good results. I'll explain later, but my lowest of the day was 71 and was probably just the result of too much fat in my dinner. Otherwise kept stable, ordered a 3 month supply of everything (lancets, test strips, needles, insulin, etc.) which set me back about $600 or so. That hurts worse than the finger pricks!
11:43 -> 241 Took 5 units with my 105c cereal. Should stay steady, which is good after all the lows I’ve been having.
2:19 -> 83 What? That’s a 160 point drop when I should have stayed level. Had a 42 carb pb&j.
3:30 -> Intermission 20c cup of blueberries.
5:03 -> 150 Took 5 units with dinner of quinoa, chicken and veg 40c, s. potatoes 50c, carrot cake 48c. That’s about a 30:1 ratio.
7:59 -> 106 Had a 10c ½ cup of blueberries, 5c peanuts and 40c cookie. At 11:00 I had a brownie 15c
12:19 -> 126 Had 5 units with a Hamburger and Fries and a black beer.
1:59 -> 71 Had a pack of Pez candies and a guiness
3:44 -> 90 Felt my sugar on the rise, the fatty foods will definitely keep it up with their slow digestion.
Day 19
11:43 -> 241 Took 5 units with my 105c cereal. Should stay steady, which is good after all the lows I’ve been having.
2:19 -> 83 What? That’s a 160 point drop when I should have stayed level. Had a 42 carb pb&j.
3:30 -> Intermission 20c cup of blueberries.
5:03 -> 150 Took 5 units with dinner of quinoa, chicken and veg 40c, s. potatoes 50c, carrot cake 48c. That’s about a 30:1 ratio.
7:59 -> 106 Had a 10c ½ cup of blueberries, 5c peanuts and 40c cookie. At 11:00 I had a brownie 15c
12:19 -> 126 Had 5 units with a Hamburger and Fries and a black beer.
1:59 -> 71 Had a pack of Pez candies and a guiness
3:44 -> 90 Felt my sugar on the rise, the fatty foods will definitely keep it up with their slow digestion.
Day 19
Friday, January 6, 2012
Double Dipping
Mir bozi cristo serodi!! Or Merry Orthodox Christmas Eve to those non-slavic speaking orthodox descendants of immigrants. At time of writing my sugar is at 46 and I'm shaking like a mofo. I swear I'm going to do a cover of the Outkast song "hey ya" with the lyrics: "...shake it, shake shake it, shake it uh huh, shake it, shake shake it, shake it, shake it, shake shake it, shake it like a hypoglycemic patient..."
No Santa or snow or children chirping like chickens under a table bedecked with hay and money, just another roller coaster ride in a post Diabetic life. I woke up at 8:25. That in and of itself is a small miracle. My sugar was decent so I headed over for my blood work appointment which was... across the street? Wow, that was convenient. Fifteen vials of blood and one vial of urine later I was done.
"You should have some juice or something," said my heavily spanish accented matrushka doll shaped blood drawing attendant. "Maybe a cookie." This was about to get awkward.
"Um... I'm diabetic." Silence... yep, awkward.
From the blood test I grabbed a vegan sandwich from the corner store and caught the train to Columbia University to meet with my nurse. She's a funny woman, middle aged, slender with not too thick frizzy blond hair, a matronly voice and habitual over-blinking. She told me a lot of stuff I already knew, and corrected a lot of things I thought I knew. No more lows was a sentiment that she repeated and together with the voice of Dr. Thys it is starting to get through - theoretically if not yet practically. Together Nurse Linda and I went over some numbers and decided that I was probably best suited for a 20:1 carb to insulin unit ratio. She also decided with Dr. Thys to lower my basal insulin to 13 units which started tonight.
From Nurse Linda's I went straight to rehearsal, sat through an hour note session and a 1.5 hour fight call and then performed Act 2 in Joey. I had dinner using her new counting method and even ate a little extra to be safe and then took a nap. I woke up in time for fight call (I was in Topthorn tonight) and ran upstairs. As I put my shoes on I started shaking and don't remember any of the fight call, only stumbling into the stage management office and pouring chocolates down my throat. Then I tumbled into the green room and had... well I'll tell you about that later. Basically I went low, caught myself, went high, did the show, went home and entered into another nightmare.
And so...
8:30 -> 156 No breakfast. 15 vials of blood.
10:20 -> 5 units of Novolog w/veggie turkey sandwich, 2 bananas and some blueberries.
11:40 -> 93 At work had almonds, peanuts and a protein shake. Still hungry, had a clif bar and ACV.
5:45 -> 111 Wild rice, brussel sprouts, chicken, brownie, small biscuit and small piece of homemade bread for a total of 102 carbs. Took 5 units of Novolog.
7:10 -> Time for fight call, had two small apples then started shaking. Had a slice of bread, 8 oz milk, and chocolate for 30 more carbs.
7:36 -> 66 Had a Lara bar and a bite of cupcake for 30 more carbs.
9:21 -> 265 Guess I overshot it a bit.
12:45 -> 143 Took 13 units of Lantus, then 5 units of Novolog (injected into my new upper buttock fat) with greek salad, quinoa, indian curry, chicken drumstick and a bite of potato/carrots/onions for a total of 110 carbs.
2:32 -> 46 Shaking like crazy. Had a 12 oz glass of milk for 15 carbs.
2:50 -> 78 Had half a pb&j.
3:22 -> 50 Still shaking. Had 9 quadratini and half a cup of ice cream for 40 total carbs.
3:42 -> 86 Finally starting to feel better
4:13 -> 140 At last the shaking has stopped. I'm exhausted.
During this crazy night time fiasco I called home and then Marissa Rinkle and then home again. It's great having the support and the wise words. What she helped me understand was that having such an active day really burns through the sugar faster. Also she advised me to err on the side of "high" for the next day or two because some many concurrent lows cause depletion of glucose in the muscles, which is your bodies last hope for combating a spell of hypoglycemia. Basically my muscles are now empty and so a low would be even more dangerous than usual. Tomorrow I'll be enjoying every dang cookie that's brought to the theatre.
Sometimes I feel like pancreatic function is like a bowler, yes bowler, as in somebody who goes to a bowling alley, dons the slick shoes, fingers a 10 pound orb and hurls it down a waxed alley towards a bunch of petrified fiberglass pins - a bowler. A normal pancreas is like an average or above average bowler. You generally hit the pins (an example of a normal day of eating and glucose metabolism), and only rarely does the ball end up in the gutters (a sugar high post Thanksgiving dinner or sugar low post insane workout). In this metaphor my "artificial" pancreas in the form of a few needle tipped sharpie sized pens is like a belligerent autistic child trying to bowl. For weeks he was actually tossing the ball across several alleys where it would land and crunch the stained wood beneath it. But now that I'm on insulin it's as if my bowling lane has bumpers. Only it's the same dang kid throwing the ball so the bumpers take blow after blow as the ball ricochets down the alley. Poor bumpers, they have to last the next 60+ years to protect the neighboring alleys (liver, eye, and kidney function).
At least now I have the One Touch Delica, a pocket sized lancing device with a smooth feminine shape, perfect for the woman on the go!
Day 18
No Santa or snow or children chirping like chickens under a table bedecked with hay and money, just another roller coaster ride in a post Diabetic life. I woke up at 8:25. That in and of itself is a small miracle. My sugar was decent so I headed over for my blood work appointment which was... across the street? Wow, that was convenient. Fifteen vials of blood and one vial of urine later I was done.
"You should have some juice or something," said my heavily spanish accented matrushka doll shaped blood drawing attendant. "Maybe a cookie." This was about to get awkward.
"Um... I'm diabetic." Silence... yep, awkward.
From the blood test I grabbed a vegan sandwich from the corner store and caught the train to Columbia University to meet with my nurse. She's a funny woman, middle aged, slender with not too thick frizzy blond hair, a matronly voice and habitual over-blinking. She told me a lot of stuff I already knew, and corrected a lot of things I thought I knew. No more lows was a sentiment that she repeated and together with the voice of Dr. Thys it is starting to get through - theoretically if not yet practically. Together Nurse Linda and I went over some numbers and decided that I was probably best suited for a 20:1 carb to insulin unit ratio. She also decided with Dr. Thys to lower my basal insulin to 13 units which started tonight.
From Nurse Linda's I went straight to rehearsal, sat through an hour note session and a 1.5 hour fight call and then performed Act 2 in Joey. I had dinner using her new counting method and even ate a little extra to be safe and then took a nap. I woke up in time for fight call (I was in Topthorn tonight) and ran upstairs. As I put my shoes on I started shaking and don't remember any of the fight call, only stumbling into the stage management office and pouring chocolates down my throat. Then I tumbled into the green room and had... well I'll tell you about that later. Basically I went low, caught myself, went high, did the show, went home and entered into another nightmare.
And so...
8:30 -> 156 No breakfast. 15 vials of blood.
10:20 -> 5 units of Novolog w/veggie turkey sandwich, 2 bananas and some blueberries.
11:40 -> 93 At work had almonds, peanuts and a protein shake. Still hungry, had a clif bar and ACV.
5:45 -> 111 Wild rice, brussel sprouts, chicken, brownie, small biscuit and small piece of homemade bread for a total of 102 carbs. Took 5 units of Novolog.
7:10 -> Time for fight call, had two small apples then started shaking. Had a slice of bread, 8 oz milk, and chocolate for 30 more carbs.
7:36 -> 66 Had a Lara bar and a bite of cupcake for 30 more carbs.
9:21 -> 265 Guess I overshot it a bit.
12:45 -> 143 Took 13 units of Lantus, then 5 units of Novolog (injected into my new upper buttock fat) with greek salad, quinoa, indian curry, chicken drumstick and a bite of potato/carrots/onions for a total of 110 carbs.
2:32 -> 46 Shaking like crazy. Had a 12 oz glass of milk for 15 carbs.
2:50 -> 78 Had half a pb&j.
3:22 -> 50 Still shaking. Had 9 quadratini and half a cup of ice cream for 40 total carbs.
3:42 -> 86 Finally starting to feel better
4:13 -> 140 At last the shaking has stopped. I'm exhausted.
During this crazy night time fiasco I called home and then Marissa Rinkle and then home again. It's great having the support and the wise words. What she helped me understand was that having such an active day really burns through the sugar faster. Also she advised me to err on the side of "high" for the next day or two because some many concurrent lows cause depletion of glucose in the muscles, which is your bodies last hope for combating a spell of hypoglycemia. Basically my muscles are now empty and so a low would be even more dangerous than usual. Tomorrow I'll be enjoying every dang cookie that's brought to the theatre.
Sometimes I feel like pancreatic function is like a bowler, yes bowler, as in somebody who goes to a bowling alley, dons the slick shoes, fingers a 10 pound orb and hurls it down a waxed alley towards a bunch of petrified fiberglass pins - a bowler. A normal pancreas is like an average or above average bowler. You generally hit the pins (an example of a normal day of eating and glucose metabolism), and only rarely does the ball end up in the gutters (a sugar high post Thanksgiving dinner or sugar low post insane workout). In this metaphor my "artificial" pancreas in the form of a few needle tipped sharpie sized pens is like a belligerent autistic child trying to bowl. For weeks he was actually tossing the ball across several alleys where it would land and crunch the stained wood beneath it. But now that I'm on insulin it's as if my bowling lane has bumpers. Only it's the same dang kid throwing the ball so the bumpers take blow after blow as the ball ricochets down the alley. Poor bumpers, they have to last the next 60+ years to protect the neighboring alleys (liver, eye, and kidney function).
At least now I have the One Touch Delica, a pocket sized lancing device with a smooth feminine shape, perfect for the woman on the go!
Day 18
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Needing Help
Today was the opposite of yesterday. My numbers were good. My life was a mess.
Last night's low kept me up late so waking today was hard. I was called into work at 1:00, but the stage manager had asked if I could come at 12:30 to talk with him and the head of puppetry. A private meeting with two of the head honchos can only go two ways. They don't call you in for being average, and I was right in suspecting that I wasn't being called in for being exceptional. They spent about 2 minutes asking how I was dealing with Diabetes and I chose, as i always will, not to use it as an excuse. With that settled, they went in for the kill.
In words already forgotten but sentiments that will leave scars they expressed their disappointment in my recent performances, their nervousness about my state of understanding the new tracks, and their trepidation about putting me on as Joey. They accused me of "phoning it in," of not knowing my blocking, of deliberately being uncommunicative with my team, and of puppeteering in such a way that my physical presence distracts from the story, and what did I have to say for myself?
Uh... ouch. That hurt worse than injecting insulin into your foot.
I was outraged. I was upset. I was angry at myself. I was livid at them! I wished for the ability to take them back in time to a place where such things were settled physically. It's hard for me to describe how slighted I've felt with regards to the new production of War Horse. I made one request, not to have to work with a certain individual. Everybody else had their requests granted except me. "Sorry," the head of puppetry said at the time, "I owe you big." And then again today, "I know I'm asking a lot of you, working with, well, I'm not going to say any names here, but I know... I know I'm asking a lot." But it didn't have to be that way! And nobody understands what it's like trying to work with this guy. It's toxic. I'm repulsed. When I hold his hand for the final bows my hand burns and my heart hurts. I can feel his presence and it makes me unhappy. Nobody understands but Tom Lee. But trying to explain is futile.
In the meantime I did my best in the Act 1 run through. It was better, of that I'm sure. But I'll still get noted for all the same things. I only hope it was good enough for them to feel secure in my ability again; for them to have confidence in my competence. I hope so. Tomorrow will tell many things.
123456789098765432112345678909876543211234567890987654321
11:12 -> 145 slight headache, probably from partial dehydration and some sleepiness (from going to bed late) but otherwise good. 5 units NovoLog with my epic cereal, an apple and an egg (jumbo).
2:07 -> 126 Had half a pb&j and participated in the fight call for act 1 as Joey. By 4:00 I finished the pb&j and had a clif bar.
6:27 -> 165 I guess the clif bar was more sugar than Act 1 in Joey called for. Took 5 units with a Chipotle chicken burrito, a small banana and a small handful of blueberries.
12:30 -> 130 15 units of Lantus and 5 units of Novolog with dinner: salad (red romaine, cucs, tomatoes, avocado, arugula sprouts, feta, parmesan, evoo, balsamic, 2 veggie sausages), 2 baby apples and two medium yams.
2:57 -> 88 This is a good number. But just to be safe I had a handful of blueberries to make sure I make it through the night. Washed it down with ACV spiked water. Delicious.
Also something dawned on me today while on the phone with my family. They decided to say a prayer with me on the phone. There I sat on the floor in my hallway leaning up against a wall, the fluorescent light flickering above me, while 3000+ miles away half a dozen people were praying... for me -- for my health, and my well-being, and the presence of God in my actions. I'm not used to being at the receiving end of prayers for health. I've always been healthy. I could handle my body myself. It's always been something I've had control of. My body, entrusted to me at birth to look after as my most valuable tool in life. As a soldier treats his rifle or an photographer his camera, I treated my body better. I never needed the help or prayers. I sculpted what I had deliberately and with care. But the control has been stripped away. And even though I've always thought of myself as being partly defined by my self-sufficiency, I need the help and support and prayers.
Tomorrow I wake up at 8:15 to go get 15 vials of blood taken for testing purposes. From there I go to see a nurse who will tell me everything I ever needed to know about Diabetes. Finally I head to the theatre for a 1 hour note session followed by a run of Act 2 (in Joey) and then a performance (in Topthorn). It can't get much worse, which means I can take comfort that it will soon get better.
Day 17
Last night's low kept me up late so waking today was hard. I was called into work at 1:00, but the stage manager had asked if I could come at 12:30 to talk with him and the head of puppetry. A private meeting with two of the head honchos can only go two ways. They don't call you in for being average, and I was right in suspecting that I wasn't being called in for being exceptional. They spent about 2 minutes asking how I was dealing with Diabetes and I chose, as i always will, not to use it as an excuse. With that settled, they went in for the kill.
In words already forgotten but sentiments that will leave scars they expressed their disappointment in my recent performances, their nervousness about my state of understanding the new tracks, and their trepidation about putting me on as Joey. They accused me of "phoning it in," of not knowing my blocking, of deliberately being uncommunicative with my team, and of puppeteering in such a way that my physical presence distracts from the story, and what did I have to say for myself?
Uh... ouch. That hurt worse than injecting insulin into your foot.
I was outraged. I was upset. I was angry at myself. I was livid at them! I wished for the ability to take them back in time to a place where such things were settled physically. It's hard for me to describe how slighted I've felt with regards to the new production of War Horse. I made one request, not to have to work with a certain individual. Everybody else had their requests granted except me. "Sorry," the head of puppetry said at the time, "I owe you big." And then again today, "I know I'm asking a lot of you, working with, well, I'm not going to say any names here, but I know... I know I'm asking a lot." But it didn't have to be that way! And nobody understands what it's like trying to work with this guy. It's toxic. I'm repulsed. When I hold his hand for the final bows my hand burns and my heart hurts. I can feel his presence and it makes me unhappy. Nobody understands but Tom Lee. But trying to explain is futile.
In the meantime I did my best in the Act 1 run through. It was better, of that I'm sure. But I'll still get noted for all the same things. I only hope it was good enough for them to feel secure in my ability again; for them to have confidence in my competence. I hope so. Tomorrow will tell many things.
123456789098765432112345678909876543211234567890987654321
11:12 -> 145 slight headache, probably from partial dehydration and some sleepiness (from going to bed late) but otherwise good. 5 units NovoLog with my epic cereal, an apple and an egg (jumbo).
2:07 -> 126 Had half a pb&j and participated in the fight call for act 1 as Joey. By 4:00 I finished the pb&j and had a clif bar.
6:27 -> 165 I guess the clif bar was more sugar than Act 1 in Joey called for. Took 5 units with a Chipotle chicken burrito, a small banana and a small handful of blueberries.
12:30 -> 130 15 units of Lantus and 5 units of Novolog with dinner: salad (red romaine, cucs, tomatoes, avocado, arugula sprouts, feta, parmesan, evoo, balsamic, 2 veggie sausages), 2 baby apples and two medium yams.
2:57 -> 88 This is a good number. But just to be safe I had a handful of blueberries to make sure I make it through the night. Washed it down with ACV spiked water. Delicious.
Also something dawned on me today while on the phone with my family. They decided to say a prayer with me on the phone. There I sat on the floor in my hallway leaning up against a wall, the fluorescent light flickering above me, while 3000+ miles away half a dozen people were praying... for me -- for my health, and my well-being, and the presence of God in my actions. I'm not used to being at the receiving end of prayers for health. I've always been healthy. I could handle my body myself. It's always been something I've had control of. My body, entrusted to me at birth to look after as my most valuable tool in life. As a soldier treats his rifle or an photographer his camera, I treated my body better. I never needed the help or prayers. I sculpted what I had deliberately and with care. But the control has been stripped away. And even though I've always thought of myself as being partly defined by my self-sufficiency, I need the help and support and prayers.
Tomorrow I wake up at 8:15 to go get 15 vials of blood taken for testing purposes. From there I go to see a nurse who will tell me everything I ever needed to know about Diabetes. Finally I head to the theatre for a 1 hour note session followed by a run of Act 2 (in Joey) and then a performance (in Topthorn). It can't get much worse, which means I can take comfort that it will soon get better.
Day 17
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
The Cost of Diabetes - Time
Good Morning America!
Diabetically speaking today was not great. In all other aspects it was wonderful. The show is coming to an end, 6 more with the original cast, the family I've known this past year. It's amazing how for some it's as if I've known them my whole life. Others are still strangers.
pbpk -> 176
11:39 -> 168 I guess the extra food last night did give me a long slow rise through the night. Had cereal with 5 units of Novolog. Later during the first show I had an apple, 2 chicken drumsticks, a cookie a cup of tea, almonds, and a pb&j.
5:33 -> 96 I felt as though I had managed my sugar level all day. I had a serving of Bangers and mash from the Emerald Inn and washed it down with a Guinness. An hour later I started feeling low and so I dove into a Levain cookie. Big mistake. Levain cookies, as everybody knows, are completely irresistible. They are also very sweet. My glucose spiked.
8:30 -> 250 Despite having a coffee and performing for 30min my sugars were high. I had some apple cider vinegar and a protein shake (virtually no carbs) to try and get them under control.
12:10 -> 15 units of Lantus
12:40 -> 91 'Atta boy! I took 5 units and had a delicious salad (red romaine, dandelion greens, arugula sprouts, cucumbers, tomatoes, red onions, avocado, evoo, balsamic, spices, bulgarian feta) and some indian curried spinach with paneer cheese and about a serving and a half of TJ's harvest grains.
2:42 -> 59 Guess I should have had more harvest grains. I had a medium teaspoon of honey, waited 5-10 minutes and then had those harvest grains along with the remaining lamb stew. Had some chips with hummus and then went to bed.
Diabetes is going to take time. I wake up 20 minutes earlier every day now because I want time to check my sugar and to administer insulin. I also need more time preparing my bag before going out, making sure I have all my equipment, all my medication, emergency food, journal, etc. And of course I do my best to prepare food for the rest of the day.
At night time I make dinner as soon as I get home but need to wait two hours for my sugars to settle before I can go to bed (and before I can publish posts) which inevitably means I don't get to bed until around 3 in the morning.
During my waking hours Diabetes takes time as well. Today I went to three stores before I found the batteries necessary for my waning glucometer. My test strips are running low again too. I called 5 times to see if a certain blood diagnostic center could fit me into their schedule. Each time I got a recording.
But just as energy spent begets energy (the more you workout the more energy you have) so does time used efficiently beget efficient use of time. I guess what I'm trying to say, and not very well at that, is I'm finding I have fewer hours of leisure each day, and yet I'm making better use of those hours. I'm secretly hoping that Diabetes was actually the cure for my persistent laziness and lack of focus. Maybe this disease was just what I needed to hone skills of self-control, discipline, persistence - skills I've been lacking in my creativity. Could this be the start of something amazing, somethings amazing? Already ideas come at me faster than I can put to use. A diabetic comedy routine, comic book, iphone app, a non-diabetic feature film, a cookbook, etc. etc. etc. I never would have been able to manage all those things before. But after a few months of regimented self-administered injections and a strict diet... who knows?
Just as iron sharpens iron, so does one condition (diabetes) sharpen another (productivity).
Day 16
Diabetically speaking today was not great. In all other aspects it was wonderful. The show is coming to an end, 6 more with the original cast, the family I've known this past year. It's amazing how for some it's as if I've known them my whole life. Others are still strangers.
pbpk -> 176
11:39 -> 168 I guess the extra food last night did give me a long slow rise through the night. Had cereal with 5 units of Novolog. Later during the first show I had an apple, 2 chicken drumsticks, a cookie a cup of tea, almonds, and a pb&j.
5:33 -> 96 I felt as though I had managed my sugar level all day. I had a serving of Bangers and mash from the Emerald Inn and washed it down with a Guinness. An hour later I started feeling low and so I dove into a Levain cookie. Big mistake. Levain cookies, as everybody knows, are completely irresistible. They are also very sweet. My glucose spiked.
8:30 -> 250 Despite having a coffee and performing for 30min my sugars were high. I had some apple cider vinegar and a protein shake (virtually no carbs) to try and get them under control.
12:10 -> 15 units of Lantus
12:40 -> 91 'Atta boy! I took 5 units and had a delicious salad (red romaine, dandelion greens, arugula sprouts, cucumbers, tomatoes, red onions, avocado, evoo, balsamic, spices, bulgarian feta) and some indian curried spinach with paneer cheese and about a serving and a half of TJ's harvest grains.
2:42 -> 59 Guess I should have had more harvest grains. I had a medium teaspoon of honey, waited 5-10 minutes and then had those harvest grains along with the remaining lamb stew. Had some chips with hummus and then went to bed.
Diabetes is going to take time. I wake up 20 minutes earlier every day now because I want time to check my sugar and to administer insulin. I also need more time preparing my bag before going out, making sure I have all my equipment, all my medication, emergency food, journal, etc. And of course I do my best to prepare food for the rest of the day.
At night time I make dinner as soon as I get home but need to wait two hours for my sugars to settle before I can go to bed (and before I can publish posts) which inevitably means I don't get to bed until around 3 in the morning.
During my waking hours Diabetes takes time as well. Today I went to three stores before I found the batteries necessary for my waning glucometer. My test strips are running low again too. I called 5 times to see if a certain blood diagnostic center could fit me into their schedule. Each time I got a recording.
But just as energy spent begets energy (the more you workout the more energy you have) so does time used efficiently beget efficient use of time. I guess what I'm trying to say, and not very well at that, is I'm finding I have fewer hours of leisure each day, and yet I'm making better use of those hours. I'm secretly hoping that Diabetes was actually the cure for my persistent laziness and lack of focus. Maybe this disease was just what I needed to hone skills of self-control, discipline, persistence - skills I've been lacking in my creativity. Could this be the start of something amazing, somethings amazing? Already ideas come at me faster than I can put to use. A diabetic comedy routine, comic book, iphone app, a non-diabetic feature film, a cookbook, etc. etc. etc. I never would have been able to manage all those things before. But after a few months of regimented self-administered injections and a strict diet... who knows?
Just as iron sharpens iron, so does one condition (diabetes) sharpen another (productivity).
Day 16
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